Sia

The clearest memory I have of my sister, Sia, is that time when she dumped a plate of food on my head for no reason.

I remember I must have been about eleven, which would make her 13 at the time. I remember the meal. It was ackee and saltfish and rice. When my mom makes ackee and saltfish, she sautee's it with bits of tomato, onion and pepper, and I clearly remember each one of these bits dripping off my ears onto my shoulders while my sister smiled. I clearly remember that smile too. It wasn't as much evil, as it was... interested, curious and maybe a touch satisfied. It's the same look I imagine a first time bungee-jumper has after his or her first leap from the precipice.

If you can infer a line of thinking from a smile, it seems to me the first-time bungee jumper is thinking: Wow! I've crossed a major boundary. And you know what? That wasn't so bad. If possible I could do that again, and again.... and again...

I remember the feeling I had at the time too, which is a perfect summary of what it's like to live with my sister. I was embarrassed but I was also angry, not so much because of what Sia did, but because from that moment on I knew that with my sister, anything was possible. There were no more limits, no zone of safety where you could say to yourself: "If I act in this manner, its pretty much guaranteed that I won't get a plate of foot tossed onto my head." Thus I was rendered helpless because I could not retaliate, for fear of even more strange, painful and unguessable consequences.

For me and my younger brother, living with Sia was living with Mary Poppins crossed with a pit bull. As the oldest sibling, she was loving, protective and stern which was alright, but you never ever knew when she was going to turn around and bite you on your ass.

* * *

I get the impression that Sia might often have been dissapointed with being saddled with two brother's like myself and N'gai. For the most part we were totally unremarkable. Our only interests were food, comic books, and spending vast amounts of time away from our sister. Sia always was trying to make us more interesting that we really were, just so she could brag about it to her friends. Invariably, it backfired.

I remember once, around the same time Thriller came out, so I might have been 8 or 9, Sia bragged to all her friends that N'gai and I could do the moonwalk. Since the Thriller album was not released in comic book format, we really didn't know what a moonwalk was. But since Sia had such apparent faith in us, especially in front of an audience of all her friends, we decided to give it a game try. N'gai and I ended up performing what I thought was a fairly faithful adaption of a moon walk, a la Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin's low-gravity, un-rhythmic duck-walk across the surface of earth's natural satellite. Neither Sia or her friends were impressed. Sia, N'gai and I were embarrassed, but only Sia was aware of it at the time, because we were still engrossed with jumping around like ant-bitten asses. I'm sure that was the first of many incidents leading to the "dumping-food-on-my-head" incident...

* * *

When Sia's first child was born (let's call him "Jay"), he was really... really... pre-mature. He was very small (I could have cradled him in one palm), and very, very red. It was a painful and difficult birth, and when I visited Sia, she looked very tired, but she was happy to see me. By this time, I could sense that she was tired of awkward, stilting conversations with people trying to either prepare her for, or keep her away from bad news. So we talked very plainly, she and I, and we laughed a lot. My siblings and I share a very dark sense of humor, and tend to prefer laughing, rather than crying in the face of tough life situations. She cracked me up with the story of how Jay would often get so pissed off at the constant ministrations of the nurses that he would often pull out his own oxygen tube, as if to say: "For god's sake, ladies! Leave me the hell alone for five minutes!" It was then I knew that Jay was going to be more or less okay. He was a survivor. Not only did he have the intestinal fortitude and physical strength to pull out his own oxygen tube, he had Sia's sense of spite, and with that, how could you not be a survivor?

* * *

Sia has two kids now. Jay is about six years old, and a girl whom we shall call "Kay" is three. Kay looks a lot like Sia, right down to the "don't-mess-with-me" glint in her eyes. I enjoy calling their house phone, because with two energetic kids, Sia doesn't greet you with a mere "hello" like normal people. Often she'll pick up the phone in mid-rant, so before she even speaks into the receiver you'll hear her yelling at the top of her lungs something like:

"I told you to stop jumping off the television set! Aaaarghhh, you kids are going to drive me crazy!"

Then she'll speak into the phone with an "Hello? Who's this?", and the tone of her voice is so tired, angry, exasperated and pleading for respite that I begin to smile a very evil smile. You see, the very night she dumped that plate of food on my head, I prayed to God and asked him to give her children exactly like herself.

And you see folks: prayer works!

All Time Best Voices of Hip Hip

It takes more than just lyrics and bling to be a good Hip Hop artist. The best Hip Hop artists, the ones born to bless a mic have a...voice. It's not just about what they say, but something about how they say it freezes you in your tracks and forces you to listen. Here's my list of the ten best voices of Hip Hop.

10. Freaky Tah
Tah was a member of the group Lost Boyz, along with Mr. Cheeks, Pretty Lou and DJ Spigg Nice, and was more of a hype man than an MC (although he did rhyme on some of the LB's tracks). A hype man generally adds back up vocals to the main rhyme and Tah's characteristic high-pitched screech kept him from being lost in the background. On March 28, 1999, Freaky Tah was shot to death while exiting the Sheraton Hotel in Queens, NY. His death still resonates to this day, and he is mourned often times in the same breath with Biggie Smalls and Tupac.



9. Q-Tip
As a member of A Tribe Called Quest, Tip once considered one of Hip Hop’s hippies, along with De La Soul, Jungle Brother’s, Black Sheep and Leaders of the New School. But this brother should not be dismissed so easily. His lyrics are often very complex, leaden with poetic symbolism and deal with a range of social issues such as the exploitation of Hip Hop artists, date rape and violence in the Hip Hop culture. Given, Q-Tip’s high-pitch, fuzzy flow, and off-beat rhyme scheme it’s often hard to decipher what he’s saying upon first listen. But his somnambulistic style is irresistible and compelling, and the brother is so damn deep, his rhymes never get old. There’s always something new to discover in a Q-Tip lyric.



8. Busta Rhymes
Busta is a contemporary of Q-Tip from his Leaders of the New School days, but he is almost completely opposite in every way. Tip’s mellow flow invites you to listen. Busta’s bombastic voice and outlandish presentation grabs you forcefully by the shoulders and forces you to listen. This brother ain’t about subtlety.



Busta is all about making as big a noise as you can in as short of time as you can for maximum explosive yield. He’s a megaton bomb, but don’t sleep, baby. I’ve seen this brother do a smooth, fly-ass, pimp-lover freestyle in an uncharacteristic low-key mode that may have been even more arresting than his usual presentation.

7. Redman and Method Man
Red (aka: Reggie Noble, The Funk Dr. Spock) and Meth (aka: Johnny Blaze, The Heatseeking Missile) are each accomplished rhymers and individually, they have pushed the art of Hip Hop to a new levels. But when these brothers join forces, like on tracks “How High” and “Da Rockwilder”… ooohhh, shit! Hip Hop culture collectively evolves and reaches unprecedented heights. Redman’s straight ghetto, wild out, higher pitch shout and Method Man, deep, gravelly, rumble complement each other extremely well .



Hollywood tried to tap the creative Red and Meth vein, with TV sitcom and movie deals, but these brothers continue to make their true impact felt on wax.

6. Rah Diggah
The former First Lady of Busta Rhyme’s Flipmode Squad, Rah Digga earned that title by putting in some work with the Fugees and Lyricist Lounge. As a result, the lady has some of the tightest flows imaginable. But the voice, like Busta’s and Redman’s demands your attention. This lady is no content sitting on the sidelines. This lady demands center stage, and fools better watch out!

5. Eminem
I have a hard time with Eminem. He was taken off this list and put back on many times. Right now, Em seems like a parody of himself. But I can’t deny his skills. There are few better than Eminem on a freestyle, and a careful listen to his albums show that he not only pushes the limits of lyrical content, but he also is pushing ways to deliver a rhyme. He’ll rap on an off-beat, on a country music 3-beat, and he’ll rap in between beats and still deliver compelling shit. Also his high-pitch style (reminiscent of the Beastie Boyz and Zach De La Rocha) is impossible to ignore.



It’s hard to give him credit, especially when he keeps marrying and divorcing Kim, but Eminem has well earned his place on any of Hip Hop’s Top Ten List.

4. Lauren Hill
In Hip Hop’s male dominated world, it’s very hard for females to command a spot in the ranks. That’s why the best female Hip Hop artists, like Lauren Hill, tend to be insanely talented. Name me another artist who can sing to you of devastating heartbreak via “Killing Me Softly”, and yet deliver a devastating, blistering dis rap like “Lost Ones”. Her voice, throaty, deep, mature and mad-sexy is unique and undeniable.



3. Notorious B.I.G.
Funny enough, when I first heard of Biggie Smalls, I never really liked him. I just wasn’t into the "Crystal and blig" thing. But there is no denying Biggie’s impact, both positive and negative, on Hip Hop. Biggie’s mic skills are damn near supernatural!

I said it!

I mean this brother was shaming street cats at the age of 17.



To quote comedian D.C. Curry, Biggie was “profane and profound”. His voice was a super deep rumble, a King lion’s roar, and his Jamaican patios inflected speech spoke to me very deeply. Biggie could lace together powerful, complex metaphors faster than anyone, and you could mine his lyrics for years and find new meanings and interpretations.



He was God’s given voice to street hustlers, pimps, drug-dealers and ghetto outcasts. He had a solemn and profound duty to tell their stories, which he did in miraculous tracks like “Suicidal Thoughts” and “10 Crack Commandments”. It’s tragic how his death denied these people a voice, and thus a shot at legitimacy, understanding and compassion from the rest of us. I so sincerely miss this brother.

2. Chuck D
If the Apocalypse needs a play-by-play announcer, Chuck D is the man. He has a prophet’s voice, like Isaiah… like Brother Malcolm’s. In his youth, Chuck’s voice was hard and undeniable, like a car meeting a brick wall.



As he ages, Chuck’s voice has lost some of the edge and sense of urgency it had back in “It Takes a Nation of Millions…” and “Fear of a Black Planet”. He now has the ultimate “Father” voice. Stern, guiding, warning, not so much with the yelling, but still irresistible. It’s the voice that founded Hip Hop culture; that gave Busta Rhymes his name. It’s the voice of hard-earned experience, and is uncompromising as ever.

1. KRS-One
Speaking of prophets... let me tell you of KRS-One. The self-styled “edutainer”, the boon of Hip Hop culture, and the bane to all who can live up to the precedents set by this man. Kris sets a standard so high that mere mortals have no hope of ever meeting it. (Doesn't mean they shouldn't keep trying...)

Now, the problem with most rhymers is that they have to trade of lyrical complexity versus the ability to be understood. Some artists, like Q-Tip, are so charming that they can get away with serving up some deep rhymes while not being all that clear. But every once in a while, God will bless some with phrasing so clear, so precise that it is practically impossible to deny what is being said. Sinatra was such a man and Sarah Vaughn was equally blessed. KRS-One is Hip Hop’s Sinatra (equal in diction as well as ego). I will speak of him as such ‘til my dying day.




Other artists that deserve to make the list (but didn’t because of room):
Run-DMC

(One of Hip Hop’s Founding Fathers. I fully acknowledge my crime for not including them on the list.)

Ludacris

(He and Eminem fought for that number five spot, and as I’m writing this, I regret that he didn’t get a more significant mention.)


Mos Def

(In the Q-Tip vein, but his style, world-view and sense of humor makes him unique.)\



Jill Scott

(More a singer, but if anybody represents the soul of Hip Hop, it’s her.)


Professor X from X-Clan

(“Pink caddy driving, black boot stomping…”)


Humpty Hump

(If Humpty really existed, I would have put him on the list just for the fun factor. But "Humpty Hump" is really Digital Underground's Shock G in a Groucho Marx mask.)



Tupac

(Personally the guy’s voice never really moved me, but he deserves mention because he moves so many other people.)

Artist that some people think should be on the list, but really don’t deserve to be:
Jay-Z

(Can’t deny his lyrical talent, but his voice, though distinctive, doesn’t really move me.)


Nas

(ditto)


Fresh Prince

(Great brother, and notable artist. Love his albums. Did more to mainstream Hip Hop and give it a recognizable face than anybody. Also gets points for not shaming himself and Black people in general like MC Hammer did. But he just doesn’t have that “chills-up-the-spine, give-me-goose bumps” delivery that the others have.)


50 Cent

(Fuck 50 Cent! I hate this guy! Every time I hear him on the radio I wonder: Who gave Mushmouth from “Fat Albert” a mic?)