Friday, December 15, 2006

Last All-Time Best List of the Year (or, "Kiss My Rankin/Bass!")

Are you like me, already tired of this year’s crop of TV Christmas Specials? Especially the one’s produced by the Rankin/Bass production company. You know those crappy “let me use the same two drawing cels over and over again” cartoons and the really creepy “blank stare” stop motion animation.

Here’s list of movies that would be perfect watch as you and your dysfunctional family unwind during your holiday vacation

10) A Christmas Story

I think having Christmas dinner at a Chinese restaurant would be awesome. Watch this one with the younger kids Christmas Eve night, just before bedtime.

9) Uncle Buck

John Candy and Macaulay Culkin at their best. Every kid in the world would have loved to have Uncle Buck in their family. Again for Christmas Eve night. Watch it with your “tweens”.

8) When Harry Met Sally

I can’t not love this movie. Send the kids off to bed, finish filling the stockings, and get together for a snuggle with your honey. The ultimate romantic comedy. All others pale by comparison…

7) The Best Man

Except this one. The reason? Taye Diggs. He so fiiiiine! (Although Nia Long in lingerie just about give me a heart attack!) An alternate snuggle pic. Look out for a great performance by Terrence Howard as ultra-cool Quentin.

6) Clerks II

Master Vaughn once complained that I used too much vulgarity in my writing. I only wish I could write like Kevin Smith. He’s like the Shakespeare of curse words. Check out the DVD for the best cut scene in View Askew history, titled “Sex Nuts and Retard Strong”. Teenagers may like this one, but they certainly won’t like watching it with you. Watch it after dinner once the extended family leaves, while the parentals are cleaning up.

5) An Evening With Kevin Smith 2: Evening Harder

Yet another Kevin Smith movie. Teresa and I really enjoyed this one. I have two favorite parts: 1) when KS talks about humanizing his deceased father 2) when he talks about his kid catching him and his wife “night swimming”. Perfect to watch when the kids are in the other room.

4) The Big Chill

Ahhhh, Christmas night. The family has gone home, the kids are in their rooms and bed and your and your significant other just chillin’ in bed. This is smart and kinda sexy. Who knows, maybe you’ll get lucky.

3) Hustle and Flow

Boxing Day. You’re worn out from all that shopping and the crowds dove you crazy. If you hear another Musak version of “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” you’re gonna go postal. This paean to dirty south hip hop will help you channel all that anxiety. Whoop that trick, man!

2) Footloose

Your guilty pleasure. You traded in your copy of the new X-Men DVD for the Special Edition of Footloose. Try as you might you can’t resist Kevin Bacon’s moves. Enjoy this one late at night when everybody else is asleep.

1) Road House

True sign that the Christmas viewing season is over. Spike TV is programming a “24-hour Patrick Swayze-a-thon”. Great for New Years Night high-jinks. Here’s a great drinking game: Take a shot of tequila every time you see

a) a shirtless man

b) a monster truck, or

c) a mullet.

(Bonus fun for those of you who just can’t get enough Kevin Smith over the holidays: listen to his hilarious commentary track on the special edition Road House DVD, with special guest Scott Mosier. Smith and Mosier should do commentary tracks on everybody’s DVD.)

Friday, December 08, 2006

"Which Serenity Character are you?"

Hey folks,

Take an online quiz at this link:

http://www.seabreezecomputers.com/serenity/

to find out which Serenity character you are.

According to the quiz, I am more like.......

WASH!
Yay!

According to the quiz, that because

a) I love toys
b) I am in love in with my significant other
c) I am somewhat... "funny"

"Can I make a suggestion that doesn't involve violence?"


Wednesday, December 06, 2006

The M-I-U Puzzle

Just finished reading Chapter 1 of Gödel, Escher & Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid by D. R. Hofstadter, in which the author presents the following puzzle. The puzzle has been around for a while, so I ask those of you who know the answer to not reveal it in the comments sections. I will reveal the answer when I get to the appropriate section in the book.

The M-I-U Puzzle

It’s a puzzle utilizing only three letters in the alphabet. Starting with the axiom “MI”, can you form the theorem “MU”? You must follow these rules:

1) If you possess a string with “I” as the last letter, you can add a “U”.
Example: From “MI” you can get “MIU”
From “MUIIUII” you can get “MUIIUIIU”
From “MIIU” you can’t get diddly squat using rule 1

2) Suppose you have “Mx” (where “x” represents any string of I’s and U’s). You may add another “x” at the end to create “Mxx”.
Example: From “MIU” you may get “MIUIU”
From “MUM” you may get “MUMUM”
From “MU” you may get “MUU”

3) If the string “III” occurs, you may replace it with a “U”
Example: From “MIIIU” you could make “MUU”
From “MIIII” you could make either “MIU” or “MUI”
From MII you can’t get diddly squat using rule 3.
NOTE!!! You can’t go backwards and turn a “U” into and “III”

4) If the string “UU” occurs, you may drop it.
Example: From “MUUU” you could make “MU”
From “MUUI” you could make either “MI”

Go ahead folks, see if you can turn “MI” into “MU”. Have fun. Don’t cheat.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

ALL TIME BEST LIST - VAUGHN'S DEMO TEAM

I feel very fortunate to have been present at the World Tang Soo Do Region 8 Championship Tournament this past October to witness when Vaughn's Dojang Demo Team finally won the First Place award for Creativity! It was a very special moment four years in the making. The following 'blog is an attempt to describe the path that lead to the Demo Team's success. Here is a list of our demos in chronological order:

Demo #1) Army of Me, 2002


Story Rundown:
Two spirits of nature battle a tyrant bent on destroying the Earth.

Songs & Inspirations:
Army of Me, Bjork
The Lord of the Rings, dir. Peter Jackson

History:
This was the first demo performed by the newly reinstated Demo Team, which suffered a loss of leadership the year before. Demo team captains included me and Mr. Francis, and the lead roles were played by Nick Lucas, Melissa Jaworski and John Jaworski. Sets were provided by Yaz.

Favorite Moments:
- Mr. Francis’s "monkey-crab-walk"
- Melissa's "acting" (which basically consisted of a lot of screaming)
- Josh's lines: "That ain't right!" and "That's gotta hurt!";

Verdict:
“Army of Me” was not the best of our demos, but it was a good start that earned us a third place award at the 2002 Region 8 Tournament. It's unavoidable and inherent cheesiness has earned a special place my heart, and I think of it every time I hear Bjork's Army of Me on the radio.

Demo #2) Showdown at the House of Blues , 2004

Story Rundown:
No story, really. This one is all about image and attitude. 20 kids dressed like the Blues Brothers, perform group hyungs, board breaks, weapons drills and self-defense techniques to hip-hop and rock music. It doesn't get much cooler than that!

Songs & Inspirations:
Kill Bill, dir. Quentin Tarantino
It Takes Two, DJ Kool and Fatman Scoop
Get Free, The Vines

History:
The Demo Team decided to compete on the world stage as part of the WTSDA's World Tournament in Orlando, Florida. In order to pay for the costumes and for the costs associated with the trip, the Demo Team embarked on an extensive fundraising campaign in addition to the long hours of practice. Not only did the kids knit together for the cause, the parent's got involved further tightening the bonds of friendship between the Demo Team members.

Favorite Moments:
- The whole Florida Trip
- The beginning of the multi-colored hair tradition.

Verdict:
This demo earned us a third place award at the 2004 World Tournament, and was a crowd favorite. Our dance/hyung/drill performance, inspired by step routines and party walks from African-American Colleges was unique. This was the start of the Demo Team's tradition for wacky hair styles and rhythmic performances and the kids earned special notice from a few master instructors. People began to take a really good look at Vaughn’s Demo Team, and were particularly impressed by the special bond they had for each other.

Demo #3) "Big Dogs Bark!", 2004


Story Rundown:
Again, this one is all about image & attitude. The story can be summed up as: "Two gangs fight." But add a TSD hyung/step routine to the a classic funk tune, and the Demo Team out cool's itself yet again!

Songs & Inspirations:
Atomic Dog, George Clinton. Make my funk the P-funk, y'all!

History:
This is the first Demo completely conceptualized and captained by a youth black belts. The adults provided logistical guidance but the kids, lead by Nick Lucas and Melissa Jaworski, stepped up to the plate as creatively. Team organization included back-up up by talented (but unofficial) co-captains Mike Papp and Lauren Luneau.

Favorite Moments:
- "Big Dawgs Bark! AAAARRROOOO!"

Verdict:
This demo won second place in the 2004 Region 8 Tournament, missing first place by 0.1 points! This was the apex of the team’s tradition for wacky hair styles and rhythmic performances, and it proved that Vaughn's Dojang's youth black belts had the class and style to compete with the Region 8's adult black belts.

Demo #4) James Bond meets Austin Powers, 2006


Story Rundown:
After battling many femme fatales, James Bond meets the true International Man of Mystery.

Songs & Inspirations:
James Bong Theme, Monty Norman
Soul Bossa Nova, Quincy Jones

History:
Demo Team leadership suffered another massive shake-up. Youth captains, Nick and Melissa, went off to college. Both adult supervisors, Mr. Williams and Mr. Francis packed up their families and moved either out-of-state or out-of-country. The big question was: “Who was going to take over the demo team?”

The mantle of leadership transferred to Mike Papp and Lauren Luneau, backed by Mr. Papp, the Senior. These three lead a crew Demo Team veterans plus a new generation of up-and-comers from the ranks of Vaughn's gup students to the 2005 World Tournament in Anaheim, California. This demo was made in during a contentious transitional period, but the team pulled through.

Favorite Moments:
- Andrew Delena as "Austin Powers", of course (I think Master Britt would agree)

Verdict:
This demo third place award and was a great satire on our tradition of "dancing". The team proved that the Demo Team was a legacy, and the sprit of teamwork, creativity and initiative helped to inspire a new generation of kids. The Demo Team is here to stay!

Demo #5) X-Men: The Last Stand, 2006


Story Rundown:
The coolest adaptation of the X-Men movies, ever!

Songs & Inspirations:
X-Men: The Last Stand, dir. Brett Ratner
Music arranged by Mike Papp

History:
A true creative milestone for the Demo Team. This demo had everything! Great fight scenes, special effects and props (blood squibs, Wolverines claws), awesome costumes and superb set design, including an imploding army barracks! The pageant required the cooperation of youth and parents and was funded by significant fundraising efforts by the team. Stylistically, this demo was a departure from the wacky hair/dancing themes, returning to a more classic performance structure while retaining much of the attitude and imagery that defined all of Vaughn’s Dojangs Demo Team creative efforts. Each performer was at the top of their game. The younger kids (representing the Human Army) performed spectacular weapons forms, using knives and guns. The older demo veterans each performed as members of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants and the X-Men, with Mike Papp as a truly cool Wolverine, complete with retractable claws!

Favorite Moments (almost too many to mention):
- Each team member performing their fight scene exactly as the corresponding character would fight
- Original knife hyung, performed flawlessly by the youngest kids on the team
- Miram's ki haps during the gun form
- Toad (James Bonny) fighting Gambit (Lisa Collins)
- Beast (Tyler Yaz) pummeling the hell out of Quicksilver (Andrew Delena)
- Iceman (Eddie Newman) "freezing" Pyro (Patrick Vu) and then accidentally getting stuck on the ammo boxes
- Lady Deathstrike (Erica Papp) fighting Wolverine. This fight scene was too short. I want to see Erica in more fight scenes. I could watch her beat up on her brother all day!
- Sabertooth (Josh Lucas) vs. Wolverine! Too bloody! Too cool!
- The final pose at the end of the demo.

Verdict:
First Place 2006 Region 8 Tournament (coincidentally by 0.1 points). 'Nuff said!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

"Game-flix"

My wife and I are currently renting movies and TV show DVD's from Zip.ca, and are enjoying the experience. But I do have a suggestion that would improve zip.ca and other such online rental sites immensely.

Start renting video games, already! I think that gamers would be a great additional market for online rental companies.

Been enjoying EA’s Scarface: The World is Yours, a game based on the Grand Theft Auto format. It’s pretty violent and the “F-bomb” gets thrown around a lot but it’s a great game.




I think they should make a Buffy video game with the same format.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

"Keeper's Runs" (or "My dog has Mud-Butt!")

To be sung to the tune of Delia’s Gone, by Johnny Cash.

Keeper! Oh, Keeper! He’s full of doggy fun.

Maybe that’s why we’re so sad he had a bad case of the runs.

Keeper’s runs, oh my Lord! Keeper’s runs.


When we first got him, we new he had adoption stress,

And folks told us it was normal for him to make a runny mess.

A runny mess, one more time! A runny mess.


It didn’t take long for Keeper to earn a place in our hearts.

That's why we turned blind eye (and nose) to his stinky, smelly farts.

Smelly farts, loaves and fishes! Smelly farts.


But we knew it was really bad when we came through our front door,

and discovered that ol’ Keeper had the runs on our kitchen floor.

Kitchen floor, thank God for tile! Our kitchen floor.


We gave you a bland food diet, and took you to the vet's,

And to alleviate your symptoms we gave you a lot of hugs and pets.

Hugs and pets! One more round of hugs and pets.


Today when we took him walkin’, Keeper went in the neighbor’s yard,

And not only were his farts not stinky, his poop was nice and hard.

Nice and hard, thank the Lord! Nice and hard.


Keeper! Good boy, Keeper. He’s back to having fun.

And he loves it when I sing this song about his old case of the runs.

Keeper’s runs. Diarrhea! Keeper’s runs!



Friday, November 10, 2006

A BASKETBALL STORY PT. III

When we last left acclaimed freelance writer Kalil Honsou, he had finally found a link to famed basketball player Jimmy Waters, whom Michael Jordan, himself, believes is the “Greatest Player of All Time”.

This segment is dedicated to Nick Lucas. Keep your head up, Brother! AKW

I am at Peter Stuyvesant High School (PSHS), sitting in the office of Coach Elijah Roberts, watching a video tape of a game between the PSHS Senior Boys Basketball Team and St. Mary’s Senior Boys Team, from Fort Greene. The tape is from the 1990-1991 season. A banner year for the PSHS team apparently. The infamous Jimmy Waters plays center position for PSHS. I should be elated, because I finally get sight of a mystery that has been plaguing me for the better part of a year. But I’m not elated. I am bored.

When I’m bored, I tend to jiggle my right leg constantly, a habit that has been an annoyance to my family and friends for years. Once in college, at the end of a disastrous one night stand, the girl I was with kicked me out of the bed because my thrumming right leg prevented her from getting any sleep. On this day, I have a pocket full of subway change in my right pocket. I have somehow drowned out the constant chiming coming from my right hip, but it’s loud enough for Coach Roberts to pause the video tape and comment:

“What is the matter with you?”

Exasperated, I reply: “What’s the matter? I’m watching the so-called ‘greatest basket ball player of all time’ and he keeps losing, that’s what!”

Coach relaxes and says: “Oh that. Relax. Enjoy the video. You’re missing the best part.”

Reluctantly, I acquiesce to his suggestion, musing on the fact that I have met the only coach in the world that referred to losing a game as the “best part”.

Elijah Roberts is sixty-three years old, two short years from retirement. His office is a mess; there is no other word for it. Sort of like Joe Franklin’s office. Almost forty years of accumulated notes, files, charts, graphs and play books, are piled up all around the office, in a filing system only the coach could ever decipher.

He started his career at PSHS in 1968, then assistant coach. He was one of the first ten Black teachers hired after the race riots ripped through New York in the mid to late 1960’s. He has survived much throughout the years, striving to shelter his students from heroin during the 70’s, followed by cocaine and crack in the 80’s, finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel during 90’s as Bed Stuy slowly revived itself. He spent his career either coaching basketball or teaching urban social studies during the off season. He and his dedicated colleagues turned PSHS into the best school in Brooklyn. He is a survivor, a rock, and the embodiment of the PSHS school spirit.

Upon our first meeting, he asked me to call him “Coach Roberts” or just plain “Coach”. He considers that term an honorific, much like how high ranking martial artists revere the term “Sifu”. In Elijah Roberts’s eyes, there is no more honorable profession that turning untrained, uncoordinated young children into a cohesive and unified sports team.

So here we are sitting in his calamitous office, him the Coach, and me somehow regressing from ace freelance writer to one of his fidgety students. I watch as a St. Mary’s player, “Number 5” approaches Jimmy in center court. Number 5 executes a deft feint to the right, shooting a quick crossover dribble underneath Jimmy’s hands, and then driving across the court for an easy lay-up. I’ve seen him do this move about for times already, each time Jimmy falls for the fake.

Except this time.

This time Number 5 is half way to the basket before he realizes that Jimmy has deftly stolen the ball, and executed his own beautiful lay up for two points. I watch, startled and amazed, because Jimmy has stolen the ball with a slight of hand worthy of the canniest street magician.

The ball is back into play. Again Number 5 and Jimmy face off. Number 5 fakes left and then right in quick succession. It’s a well practiced double feint that allows Number 5 to blow past Jimmy, dribbling up to the PSHS basket.

Except there’s no ball in his hands.

Jimmy has again stolen the ball for a lay up. After 20 minutes of losing, PSHS is somehow gaining momentum, within four points of the lead. The St. Mary’s coach changes strategy. Players are replaced and a new person faces off against Jimmy. This new player blows by Jimmy twice and St. Mary’s pulls ahead eight points. Then suddenly they are stopped dead cold. Jimmy is back, stealing balls, grabbing rebounds, shooting from all positions in the key. Every shot is nothing but net. PSHS is ahead by ten points. The PSHS home crowd goes wild.

Needless to say, I have stopped fidgeting.

Rapt, I watch the game to its completion in silence. There is a pattern, here, quickly discerned. St. Mary’s changes tactics against PSHS. They collect a trickle of points, and then are shut down stone cold as Jimmy adapts to the new play. And when St. Mary’s starts to double team Jimmy, he throws a no-look pass off to the side, a seemingly wild pass, off to nowhere, almost a desperation move. Out of nowhere PSHS teammate rushes in to pick up the pass and scores. The first few times this happens, you think Jimmy is just plain lucky, a few more times you begin to think he’s psychic. The boy is good, and he’s a generous player. By the end of the game, each team member has averaged at least 25 points. The game ends with PSHS up 108 to 67. The tape ends.

I turn to Coach Roberts, somewhat confused.

“I don’t get it.” I say, more to myself that to Coach.

“What don’t you get?” he asks. There is a knowing, crafty half-smile that brightens up his seamed face.

“I can’t reconcile Jimmy at the beginning of the game, and Jimmy at the end of the game. Was he just ‘playing around’ with St. Mary’s? Y’know, for kicks?”

Coach leaned back into his chair. “I didn’t get it at first either. But to understand it you have to understand Jimmy. Jimmy used to tell me that losing was the best part of the game, and for a coach like me, that took a while to understand.”

“What’s so great about losing?” I asked.

“It’s something Jimmy taught me, and it has stayed with me for the rest of my career. Jimmy was one of those students that come along maybe once, maybe twice in a lifetime. He’s a student that teaches you more that you teach him. Jimmy was never afraid of losing, because he felt that where he learned his best lessons.”

Coach reached behind him and grabbed a framed picture off his bookshelf. It depicted the PSHS Basketball team holding the 1990-1991 City Championship Trophy. I watched silently as his eyes shined gold, and then get that shaking wet look of nostalgia. No tears fell though.

Coach continued: “Jimmy taught us how much you can learn by giving up the first few minutes of the game to the opposing team. He would watch the opposing player and memorize which foot he lead with in a tip off, which side he turned to when he accepted a pass, which hand was favored on a lay up or dunk, which way his head tilted on a free throw, which eye blinked first in a foul. Jimmy would collect that information and file it away in that remarkable brain of his, and without fail, would use it to bury the opposing team under points.”

The Coach mused some more: “He was a good kid, that Jimmy. Straight A’s and the best captain our basketball team ever had. A natural leader, and humble as hell for a high school basketball star. Everybody loved him but Jimmy only had a just few good friends where were his teammates, and only one best friend, Sammy who never played. When he wasn’t hanging out with Sam, he was practicing his game on the park court. The team followed his example at every opportunity. On Saturday nights when most kids were just hanging out on some corner, Jimmy and the team were in the park practicing pick-and-rolls or jump shots until dark. He his ambition was to go to college to play ball and get his teaching degree. He said he wanted to be a coach just like me.”

After a respectful silence, I said: “You taught him all that.” More a statement that a question.

Coach laughed, but without much humor. “Heck no!”

“Then how did he get so disciplined.”

Coach leaned forward and grabbed a pen from a cracked coffee much perched at the corner of his desk. He scribbled a few words on a “Post-It” note.

“Here,” he said, passing me a note. “Go to this address. This person will tell you all you need to know about Jimmy Waters.” Coach picked up the picture, looked at it for a moment and turned his back on me to place the picture back on his bookshelf.

Somehow, I sensed I was dismissed. But I asked one more question.

“What happened to Jimmy, Coach? Did he make it to college?”

“No Mr. Honsou,” Coach Roberts said. “Jimmy ended up where ten percent of African-American males aged 18-29, end up.”

He paused. Sighed.

“Jimmy went to jail.”

The coach said no more.




Moon Over Harlem (William H. Johnson, 1944)

This artist’s depiction of a riot in Harlem tells much about the racial tensions that sometimes erupted in New York over the years. In 1964, a race riot broke out in the Manhattan neighborhood of Harlem after a white NYPD officer, Thomas Gilligan, was accused of police brutality, and rioting soon spread into Bedford Stuyvesant. This riot resulted in the destruction and looting of many neighborhood businesses, many of which were Jewish-owned. Race riots also followed in 1967 and 1968, as part of the political and racial tensions in the United States of the era, aggravated by continued unemployment, dissatisfaction with civil rights policies, and the assassination of Martin Luther King, Jr.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Keeper's First Blog Entry

We interrupt today's regularly scheduled blog entry. Today, Keeper, our new greyhound, decided to post the first of his hopefully ongoing journal entry's. Today's topic: Keepers first day.


Date: Oct. 24, 2006

1:00 PM
Linda-Mom and I went to Oakville to meet my new owner Teresa-Mom. After a quick walk and some chatting back and forth, I was packed up into the Blue Car. It smelled like French fries, which is a bit weird. Linda-Mom started to cry, which was a bit sad. I will miss Linda-Mom. Her house smelled nice and she had a lot of great stuff to chew on. Especially Tessa-Owl, which I’m happy to find out I get to keep! Tessa-Owl smells a bit like Linda-Mom. I’m beginning to become an “old-hat” at this foster business though, so I’m starting to get used to saying goodbye.

1:00 – 2:00
Drove for a long while. Was listening to CBC radio. It seems like Madonna is adopting a third-world baby, presumably to match her new Fendi handbag, or something. Man, humans are weird!

2:00
Got to the new house. Teresa-Mom led me to the backyard for a long pee. Ahhh! How satisfying!
2:00 – 3:00
Inspected the new house. I must say the new house is really different than Linda-Mom’s house. Not bad though, and the backyard is a reasonable size. Lots of birds at the bird feeder, and I smell in the air a hint of rabbit and squirrel. That’s promising! Teresa-Mom showed me my new dog bed. Grabbed Tessa-Owl and laid down for a nap.


3:00 – 4:00
I’ll say this about Teresa-Mom, she gives a lot of good pets. Followed her to the kitchen and laid down for a while. More petting. Ahhh, life is good!

4:30
This dude walks into the house. Black Guy, kinda funny looking. Smells like French fries, which solves that mystery. Bonus, he too loves to gives pets!

4:30 – 5:00
Teresa-Mom and the Black Guy take me upstairs and sort of lavish me with a lot of attention. There is much petting and grooming, and a lot of saying my name over an over again. Turns out the Black Guy has a pocket full of kibble which he feeds to me one by one. Score! Hey, I grew up on a race track in Florida , I know an easy mark when I see one.

5:00 - 5:30
The Black Guy grabs a clicker. He feeds me a bit of kibble and clicks the clicker. He feeds me another bit of kibble and clicks the clicker. This happens again, and again, and again…. After about the tenth time I want to tell him: “Hey buddy, I get it! Clicker equals food. Now chill out!” But, you know owners. You have to indulge them for a bit in order to train them right. He gives up on the clicker after fifteen tries.

5:30
Finally! Some food. Yummy! Ate in my new crate. It’s got that “new crate” smell…

6:00
After another pee, Teresa-Mom, the Black-Dude and I bundle up for a nice walk. It’s kinda cold up here in Canada , and I would be freezing my gonads off, if I had any. (Yuk-yuk!) But Teresa-Mom outfits me with a doggy coat and we are set. It’s pretty interesting around here. There’s cars, there’s other dogs, there’s people a plenty. The owner’s try to cut the walk short, but in the end I convince them to give me another go around the block. We visit two parks, see more dogs. At one point I get confused and I mistake this big blowing leaf for a squirrel. How embarrassing!

7:00
The weird thing about owners is how concerned they are about poop. I guess they were expecting me to poop during the walk, but hey folks, I’m not ready. Talk about pressure! After the walk we go back inside. Every 10 to 15 minutes they take me outside again for a poop. Umm, still not ready, folks! Thankfully, they wise up and give it a rest.

7:00 – 10:00
Get the teeth brushed. Some more pets. A treat or two and then… a nice long nap. Ahhhh, it’s comfortable here!

10:00
Bedtime for the owners. The Black Guy and I go outside for the last time that night, which works out for me because I’m finally ready for a poop. Again with the poop fixation. I really don’t understand why owners feel the need to pick up the poop with a plastic bag. Makes wanna shout: “Hey buddy, I left that there for a reason!” Then when we go back inside, the Black Guy and Teresa-Mom have this discussion about the consistency of my poop! How friggin’ weird!

Later:
At first, I couldn’t figure where they wanted me to sleep. Then I figure out as they make up a spot for me in the bedroom. What the hell was wrong with the upstairs den? Ahhh, owners… Anyways, I think it’s gonna be okay living here.

Peace out!

Sunday, October 15, 2006

A BASKETBALL STORY - PART 2

The story so far…
Acclaimed freelance writer Kalil Honsou begins his year long search for Jimmy Waters, a basketball player whom Michael Jordan, himself, believes is the “Greatest of All Time”.

* * *
At first my investigations were sporadic. Whenever I wasn’t running around either chasing a story, or chasing a buyer for my story, or surfing the net, or watching TV, or hanging out, or playing with my bellybutton lint, I was searching out the name “Jimmy Waters” amongst player archives and comparing them to Jordan’s. I looked for players who scored more points in one game, players with better offensive or defensive rebounds, players with better field goals made in one game.

I searched records from high school players in Bed Stuy, and found no “Jimmy Waters”.

I widened my search to high school players in the other boroughs. No luck.

And even though Mike told me “Jimmy Waters” never made it to college, I searched the records anyway. To no avail.

I spent about for or so months, on and off, pouring through old, dusty archives, and poorly copied mimeographs, risking black lung and myopia searching for a ghost. I then realized that Michael was pulling my leg after all, and my interest in Jimmy Waters started to wane.

A few weeks later, I was chatting with another freelance writer friend of mine named Tek-9, at a vegetarian restaurant in the Harlem. Tek-9 wrote a lot of copy for The Source magazine and he’s somewhat of a legend.

(Rumor has it that one day Suge Knight cornered Tek out in the back alley of some record release party in Manhattan, for one of those shitty acts Death Row was promoting after Dr. Dre left the label. This was just after Suge was released from jail [again], and even though it was a long while after Pac and Biggie got hit, he was still riding high on the image of fear he was generating on the streets of both coasts. Suge was famous for his intimidation tactics [like dangling Vanilla Ice out a penthouse window in Miami to get him to sign over his royalties], and all of us writers were, well… frankly, we were running scared. I know a lot of writers who talked shit whenever and wherever, except when Suge was around. When Suge showed up, everybody’s mouths clamped shut. Except for Tek-9. A week before the confrontation Tek had given Death Row’s latest release zero mics, and wrote a scathing review that equated the future of Death Row under Knight’s command to the last days of Howard Dean’s bid for the 2004 Democratic Nomination. Apparently Suge took umbrage with the review. Suge confronted Tek, and the rumor is Suge came “heavy”. No body really knows what happened that night other than Tek and Suge, and neither one spoke a work about it. But Tek had walked away without a mark, and Suge spent the rest of his New York trip sporting thick sunglasses, apparently to hide an “eye jammy” that looked suspiciously like the butt end of his own Mark VII .357 “Desert Eagle”. Mitch “Blood” Green, like a motherfucker!)

Suge, three days after his meeting with Tek-9.

I was just chatting with Tek about nothing and everything. We discussed Bloomberg versus Giuliani and came to the conclusion that they were both full of shit. We talked about how we missed groups like Public Enemy, especially in the days of Bush’s second disastrous term in office. We discussed Jay-Z’s retirement, and made bets when he was going to return to the mic (September 2006. For the record, I won so pay me my “fiddy” dollars, bi-atch!). That led to a talk about Jordan and his three retirements. It was then I remembered that Tek had an encyclopedic memory of street basketball players. I asked Tek if he knew of a player named Jimmy Waters.

“Who?” he replied.

“You never heard of a street player named ‘Jimmy Waters”? Michael Jordan calls him the greatest player of all time.”

“…the fuck you talking ‘bout, son? Ain’t nobody greater than Mike!”

“I know, I know!” I said. “I’ve been searching player stats and there’s nobody with a better record.”

“You serious about this, Kay?” Tek asked.

I shrugged.

Tek started to think. He truly pondered my quandary.

He said: “A guy like Mike, you ain’t never gonna find anybody on paper better than him. So you’re looking up the wrong tree, son. You searching for the unknown, the unsung hero. The man in black.”

“Yeah, but does he exist?”

“If he does, Bed-Stuy is the perfect place to look for him. Bed-Stuy is full of unsung hero’s. The streets are littered with stories, tales, and legends you ain’t never going to hear. You won’t find 'em in no ‘lie-bury’, no internet and in no rap song. These stories, they too bloody, too hardcore for public consumption. You can’t find that shit in Harlem, son. You gotta go straight to the streets. You gotta walk the streets and wait for them to tell you the tales.”

“That’s just your way of telling me you don’t know who the fucker is.”

“No I don’t. But I tell you what I do know, son. What ever makes him the “greatest” ain’t got nothing’ to do with points and shit. It’s gotta be the story. If he does exist, I know who would know who he is.”

Tek wrote an address down for me.

“Go see this man. Go walk the streets.”


* * *

Three days later I knocked on the office door of Coach Elijah Roberts. He coached the boy’s basketball team at Peter Stuyvesant High, at the corner of Fulton and Schenectady.

“My name is Kalil Honsou, and I am a freelance writer.” I said by way of introduction. “I’m writing a story on Jimmy Waters.”

Coach Roberts looked at me for a long time.

“It’s about time,” he said. “Come on in.”

To be continued…



Bedford-Stuyvesant is one of the few neighborhoods in New York City to possess an identity and culture that is known to audiences outside of New York City. Director Spike Lee has prominently featured the streets and brownstone blocks of Bedford Stuyvesant in his films, including Do The Right Thing (1989) and Crooklyn (1994). Chris Rock's television sitcom, Everybody Hates Chris, portrays Rock's life growing up as a teenager in Bedford-Stuyvesant in 1983. The neighborhood was also the setting of Dave Chappelle's 2004 documentary Block Party, in which Chappelle and many prominent Rap and Soul artists performed an impromptu concert on a street corner.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

A BASKETBALL STORY - PART 1

AUTHOR’S NOTE: This story came to me in a dream. I’ll try to transcribe it as accurately as possible, but I’m afraid there are going to be some definite problems. For one thing, the story is about a basketball player, and I don’t know a single thing about the game. That’s going to be the weakest and most easily criticized part of the story, because, frankly, I’m going to fake it. But the story touched my heart, and I’m thinking it is demanding to be told. It is my intention to tell this story serially over several days and several ‘blog postings. Honestly folks, I don’t know where this story is going to go. I am hoping you will enjoy the journey.

THE GREATEST BASKET-BALL PLAYER OF ALL TIME
By Kalil Honsou

Kalil Honsou is a freelance writer who has published articles in The Source, Vanity Fair, and GQ. In 2006 he garnered critical acclaim for his three part article on Michael Jordan, entitled “American Legend: The Rise and Rise of ‘Air’ Jordan”, published in Sports Illustrated three years after the athlete’s retirement from the National Basketball Association.

It was the last day of my extensive interview with Michael Jordan.

Michael, gracious man that he is, had allowed me an unprecedented access to his private life. We had arranged to meet each other periodically over the course of a month, each time in a different location. Once in Mali, we met just before Michael was feted by government officials in the African nation. Another time, we met in a small town in Maryland, where Mike was busy coaching his youngest son’s Little League team. Yet another time we met in Las Vegas, joined by Charles Barkley for a private, high-stakes three-day poker marathon that was detailed in my article “American Legend: The Rise and Rise of ‘Air’ Jordan”. But on this, our last day, we met in Michael’s office at the base of operations of the Washington Wizards.

At the tail end of the interview, after I had turned off my tape recorder and was preparing to leave for the airport. I off-handedly asked Michael who he considered was the greatest basketball player of all time. This was meant as a joke. Those of us who had interviewed Mike over the years already knew his answer. When asked that question, a younger Mike Jordan would just smile and you and arch his eyebrows knowingly. Nothing more need to be said.
But this occasion was different. This older Mike was different. This was a man looking at the other side of significant events that shook his sense of security and mortality. This was a man who had to bury a murdered father, weather the storm of a crumbling marriage, and who also had to watch as close friends and business acquaintances burned up in the horror of the 9-11 terrorist attacks.

“Hey Mike,” I said smiling. “Just for the record, who do you think is the greatest basketball player of all time?”

Mike looked thoughtfully over at me. “Ever heard of Jimmy Waters?”

“Who?” I said.

“Damn,” he said. “I thought you know everything, K. You’re slippin’!”

“There has never been a professional basketball player named ‘Jimmy Waters’.” I said. I was a bit stung, too.

“I didn’t say he was a pro.” Mike replied. “Didn’t even make it to college.”

“What’s he a street ball player? He better than ‘the Goat’?”


Earl “The Goat” Manigault
(1944-1998)
Considered the best street basketball player of all time. Known for his 52-inch vertical leap and his ability to “double dunk” (i.e. dunking the ball twice in mid air). Immortalized by Don Cheadle in the movie Rebound: The Legend of Earl “The Goat” Manigault. Died of heart failure in 1998


Mike scoffed at me. “Now you’re just plain trippin’. Jimmy Waters. Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn. ‘The Planet’. Look him up there. Now ask me no more questions, I’ve got work to do.” Hey waved me out of the office.

Thus I began what would become a year-long odyssey to discover the man who Michael Jordan considered was more deserving of the title “Greatest of All-Time”.

Monday, October 02, 2006

"Balance, Daniel-san."

It's all about balance, really. Something bad will happen, and then something good will happen. Take for instance last week. On Monday I got an email from the YMCA saying that they are canceling the 3-day self-defense clinic due to lack of sign ups. They feel that the hectic schedule during the month of September was a reason behind the cancellation. People were just too darn busy!

At first I fought for keeping the clinic, working on my own to secure some interested students. But alas, I agreed to the cancellation for two reasons: 1) it was difficult for folks to change their schedules on such short notice and 2) I was sick as a dog!

Last week I had a pretty bad cold, and was out of commission for the equivalent of two days. I needed the rest. Still I felt pretty disappointed about giving up on the clinic.

Then on Thursday, my office manager, Randy informed me that he nominated me for a company award for the previous fundraising clinic. I was written up in the company newsletter, along with a couple other folks from other offices who organized some pretty unique community service events on behalf of the company. It felt great to be nominated, and to be named with that group of people. And I actually got a little prize. It's a silver star shaped award currently housed on my office bookshelf.

It was really nice of Randy to put my name in. It was an unexpected pleasure.

Balance.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

New Logo and Another Announcement

Like the new logo? My brother, Ngai designed it. Neat, huh?

Also...

Another self-defense program. This program runs for three 1-hour classes and covers a whole bunch of neat topics.

Can't wait!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Summer Book Reading List

The end of summer 2006 is nigh, so continuing my streak of un-original post ideas, I present the following list of books I've read this summer:

1) Canadian Professional Engineering and Geoscience: Practice and Ethics by Gordon C. Andrews

2) Law for Professional Engineers, 3rd Edition, by D.L. Marston

3) The Penelopiad, by Margaret Atwood There are two really important reasons I placed these books first on my list.

a) Upon first glance of the titles people think I’m smart
b) I had to read the first two for homework.

The Ethics and Law textbooks were required reading, as I was preparing for the Ontario Professional Engineers Exam. For textbooks, they actually turned out to be pretty good reading. The case studies were riveting, and I actually learned something about law and ethics this summer. As for the third book, I wouldn’t call myself the biggest Atwood fan in the world. Sometimes her books are just too damn “lit’ry”. (That whooshing sound is the loss of any credibility earned at the beginning of this post.) But The Penelopiad is a crafty little tale and an almost perfect way to exercise those brain cells over a long, hot, war-torn summer. It’s tied with The Robber Bride as my favorite Atwood book.

4) The Ultimates Vol. 1 & 2 by Mark Millar, Bryan Hitch & Andrew Currie
5) Maus: I – My Father Bleeds History by Art Spiegelman
6) Y - The Last Man Vol. 1- 3 by Brian K. Vaughan, Pia Guerra & Jose Marzan, Jr.
7) Mail Order Bride by Mark Kalesniko

I was trolling the local libraries in between study sessions this summer and made a happy discovery. Most public libraries now have a section devoted to graphic novels of all kinds. So that’s where I picked up these next four books.

The Ultimates was a really fun read. Marvel Comic’s “Ultimate” Line of books are modern updates on classic superhero origin stories. The Ultimates is Marvel’s update of the Avengers, bringing the team to the new and darker, post-9-11 world. I got on this bandwagon fairly late, but Mark Millar’s writing and Bryan Hitches photo-real art have me hooked.

Maus is Art Spiegelman’s Pulitzer Prize award winning rendition of the Holocaust as recalled by his father, Vladek. In Maus, Spiegelman depicts the Jews as mice, the Poles as pigs and the Germans as cats, resulting in artwork that’s as haunting as the stories themselves. Highly recommended reading.

Y-The Last Man is the story of a mysterious plague that wipes out every animal with a Y-chromosome except for Yorick, an amateur escape artist, and Ampersand, his pet monkey. The graphic novel attempts a realistic look at the tragedy and the comedy in this weird post-apocalyptic world where 99% of the world’s landowners, 97% of commercial airline pilots and 85% of all government representatives have died in a violent explosion of blood and brain matter. My friend, Jenni recommended this book, and my sister in-law, Sarah is also hooked. My wife is hesitant to read it, because she hates comics, and she’s reading this humongoid book, but the writing is too good for her to pass up on this one.

Mail Order Bride. I’ve never heard of it before. I picked this book up on a whim. I’m glad I did. It’s about an ineffectual comic book store owner and his Korean mail order bride, and the merry hell they generate in each other’s lives. It’s a pretty good meditation on racial and sexual politics.

8) The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

(everybody knows what the damn book looks like)

9) Beyond Band of Brothers: The War Memoirs of Maj. Dick Winters by Dick Winters and Cole C. Kingseed 10) Without You: A Memoir of Love, Loss and the Musical Rent by Anthony Rapp
I purchased these books-on-tape from Audible.com to help entertain me on my long drives between Ontario, New Jersey and Pennsylvania. Now, I can’t be the only one who thought the Da Vinci Code was a piece of crap. It’s a great premise, but it’s a boring book.

Beyond Band of Brothers was very good. It made be cry all the way from Scranton, PA to Binghamton, NY. It’s really sad to think that the few remaining men who fought in Easy Company during World War II are going to be all gone within the next few years.

Without You was really nice at first, especially when it focused on the creation of the Broadway musical Rent, and when the author wrote about dealing with his mother’s illness. But it started to get a bit tedious near the end. But then again, so were the long-ass trips to the States.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

YMCA HOSTS CHARITY SELF-DEFENSE CLINIC

On Thursday, August 24th, an introductory self defense clinic was hosted the A.R. Kaufman YMCA in Kitchener, Waterloo by Region 15’s newest club, True North Martial Arts. The clinic was instructed by Mr. Ali Williams, E Dan. Clinic participants included members of the YMCA as well as employees from local businessess. The registration fee for the event was $10 per person. The proceeds of the event were donated to the YMCA’s Partners for Youth Campaign, a charity that helps fund membership fees for families and children in need.

The hour-long event covered many different topics including, hand and feet techniques, active and passive self-defense, as well as meditative breathing skills. Participants were lively, energetic and actively engaged in learning the multiple self-defense holds and escapes introduced in the clinic. Clinic participants raised $200 for the Partner’s for Youth Campaign.

Special thanks go out to the following:

Participants & Contributors
Kristy Baerg, Rachel Brown, Rhonda Burns, Dawn Burnett, Teresa Cornwell, Mauro Cortes, Debbie Karmaschek, Andrea Kauppinen, Suzanne Little, Caleb MacDonald, Sheila Mutton, Donna Perk, Caroline Valeriote, Ali Williams, Barbara Ingrata, Randy Knudsen, Kelly Knudsen, Donna Verbakel

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Quiz answers

1) "d", sandalwood

2) both "c" and "d" were wrong. my bad. The Remains of the Day was directed by James Ivory, based on the novel by Kazuo Ishiguro, who also wrote Never Let Me Go.

3) "Fish" lied to get a role in Apocalypse Now, a movie with a shooting schedule so long that he practically came of age during production. Useless fact #1: Did you know that Marlon Brando was so unprepared for the movie that director Francis Ford Coppola had to read Heart of Darkness out loud to him in between takes? Useless fact #2: someone should do a film class on the similarities between Apocalypse Now and The Wizard of Oz.

4) "b" is the right answer. Answer "c" is the code names of the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad from Kill Bill (visit link to read the kick ass uncut original screenplay).

5) the correct answer is "h". The pollen thing sure came in handy when she was attacked by a swarm of semi-sentient wasps, let me tell you...

6) "a" pot-lid is correct. Ang shoulda got that one. You're slippin' New Girl!

7) "d" is the correct answer. It's also something I say just before Teresa and I get freaky.... Noooch!

8) "b" is the correct answer. All other lines were from Quentin Tarantino movies.

9) "a" is correct. Captain Canuck is a sorely underrated and rarely used hero. Frank Miller should do a dark and gritty retelling of the origin story a la Dark Night Returns.

10) "c" is correct. I'm still laughing just thinkin of that scene. I wonder how Jenni got that one correct.... hmmm...?

Word scramble. Any one who got that one right can kiss my grits! NOOOOCH!

And the official winner (wiener?) of the first ever All Time Best Quiz is Jenni, who got seven out of ten.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

All Time Best Pop Quiz

Proving I have no original thoughts, I've decided to steal Jenni's idea at create this pop quiz (except for some reason, mine is not funny). The quiz subjects will be based on the books and movies listed in my "All Time Best" list (except for one or two exceptions). I thought of awarding a prize for the person who posts the most correct replies, but decided that would take too much work. Winners will just have to be satisfied with the knowledge that they are just a nerdy as I am.

1) Roland the Gunslinger from the Dark Tower is armed with a mystical set of pistols, with specially made grips. What wood are the grips made out of:

a) ironwood
b) ghostwood
c) mahogany
d) sandalwood

2) Ang Lee, director of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, made all of the following films except:

a) Hulk
b) Brokeback Mountain
c) The Remains of the Day
d) The House of Flying Daggers

3) Way back before he played Morpheus in the Matrix movies, a then 14-year old Laurence Fishburne lied about his age in order to get a role in which one of the following movies:

a) The Godfather
b) Apocalypse Now
c) Shaft
d) Mother, Jugs and Speed

4) The 5 Deadly Venoms are:

a) toad, snake, amphibian, caterpillar, platypus
b) snake, centipede, lizard, scorpion, toad
c) black mamba, california mountain snake, cobra, sidewinder, cottonmouth
d) asp, stingray, stone fish, salamander, jellyfish

5) Nerd Bonus!!! Speaking of venom, the Kagero, the female ninja in Ninja Scrolls has the following very special power:

a) her years as a royal poison taster makes her lethal to the touch
b) she can mentally control poisonous snakes
c) she throws poison tipped ninja stars
d) she can magically disperse drug-laced rose pollen
e) none of the above
f) both a and b
g) all of the above
h) both a and d
i) both a and c

6) In Battle Royal, Shuya Nanahara, the hero of the movie is assigned crappy weapon in his pack. The weapon is:

a) a pot lid
b) a police whistle
c) a megaphone
d) a flashlight

7) In Karate Kid, the motto of the Cobra Kai is:

a) "Shoot to kill!"
b) "In space, no one can hear you scream!"
c) "Never get into a land war in Asia!"
d) "Strike first, strike hard, no mercy, sir!"

8) Which famous line is from the movie, The Princess Bride:

a) "Sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I wouldn't know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy @$#&!"
b) "It is conceivable, you miserable vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand."
c) "I might never have liked you. Point in fact, I despise you. But that doesn't suggest I don't respect you."
d) "If you wanna know something he won't tell ya, cut off one of his fingers. The little one. Then tell him his thumb is next."

9) Which name is NOT a character in The Watchmen:

a) Captain Canuck
b) The Nite Owl
c) The Silk Spectre
d) The Comedian

10) Extra Special Nerd Bonus: In Clerk's II, what is the name of Elias's girlfriend's "mouth-troll".

a) Hailey-tosis
b) Molar-Ram
c) Lister-fiend
d) Samwise Gum-gee

Extra, extra bonus word scramble: IAL SI A RNDE

General Update

These past few months have been busy work wise, so Tang Soo Do has taken the back burner as of late. All that is about to change. This Thursday, I will be instructing the self-defense clinic at the K-W YMCA (with Teresa assisting). Also, I recently started crunching the numbers and putting together the general business plan for a YMCA based Tang Soo Do program. I spoke with both Master Vaughn and Mr. Boriello (from Region 8) who gave lots of good advice. Teresa and I also had a really illuminating chat with Manny from Champion's Way, a company that provides assistance to folk who run martial arts studio's. Prospects are looking really good and we continue to work towards getting an official WTSDA studio here in Ontario.

Julie Christie, a black belt from Vaughn's Dojang, was nice enough to forward me some pictures from the recent WTSDA World Tournament:

Here's Vaughn's Dojang Demo Team celebrating their 3rd place prize for their James Bond/Austin Powers competition demo. It's really good to see these kids carrying on the demo leadership. Mike and Lauren can attest to how hard it is to compete against all the other teams from across the world, and how good it feels to celebrate your victories with your Tang Soo Do brother's and sister's. Carry on, guys!


Here's Karen (in the white sparring gear) setting up her opponent for a "cherry" roundhouse kick to the midsection. I've been fortunate to watch Karen grow up the past eight years, developing into quite a martial artist. Also, she's got one of the greatest smiles in Tang Soo Do, (as well as one hell of a roundhouse kick). Cheers, Karen!


Mister Vu!!!! Everybody loves Mr. Vu!!!

God I miss Vaughn's Dojang!


Here is a picture of me back in 2003 at the Freedom's Foundation, back when I had dread locks.

Peace out folks.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Mmmmeltdooowns!

This past summer has been great for watching aging movie stars meltdown. Mel Gibson, man! Cheeses-peeezes what where you thinking? I guess you were thinking: "It's time to go on a booze-fueled and bigotry bender!" It's quite obvious you weren't thinking "What would Jesus do?"

Now I've got to admit a bit of guilt, here. As horrible as Mel Gibson's comments were to the Jewish community, and as pathetic as his apology was, there is one little event that fateful night, that gives me and my friend Mike Wex the giggles whenever we mention it. We cackle like a pair of Gollums. To me, it's evidence of how horror and comedy are so closely linked.

Apparently as Mel Gibson was being booked, for a night in the drunk tank by a female police officer (after being restrained from urinating on the floor), he said to her, and I quote: "What do you think you're looking at, sugartits?"

"Sugartits"?

.... the man said "sugartits"?

The arrogance in that one sentence is astounding. I guess I really shouldn't be appalled that a man who thinks Jews are behind all wars also thinks it's okay to call a peace officer a really disparaging name. But I will give the man his due. He is a very creative person. After all, who amongst us here, in the midst of being arrested, would even think of string the words "sugar" and the word "tits", and then using that word in reference to the officer who was currently processing us for a night in the tank.

Yes, my friends, Mel Gibson may be a stupid, ignorant, mysoginistic, racist, MF'er...

...I guess that sentence was finished after all.

Tomorrow...

...is a big day for True North Martial Arts.

Tomorrow, I will be meeting with the local YMCA about becoming part of their fitness program. I'm very excited, preparing a lot of materials for a little presentation.

Wish me luck!


By the way...

On a little miffed off note, I'm noticing that I'm being spammed in my comment's sections. Some anonymous prat is posting a link to some shady crappy site on my blog. So general warning to you readers, check before you click any links.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

I had ambitions...

... to get my blog back on track with respect to discussing more substantial matters with respect to martial arts. I have a series of posts planned to discuss my mentor/mentee relationship with Master Vaughn. I have another series of posts plan on the link I recently discovered in the symbols I have attached to my professional, extra-curricular and family lives. They could be pretty good blogs which would allow me to stretch my writing skills a bit.

Alas, due to the recent heat wave, and a desire to eschew all serious topics (and to spur a long-distance book club discussion with Eric) I once again revisit my "All Time Best" List.

All Time Best Graphic Novel.

The Watchmen
by Alan Moore and illustrated by Dave Gibbons.


There are many, many websites dedicated to deconstructing The Watchmen, a graphic novel which is in itself a masterful deconstruction of the superhero genre. I will assume the of the few of you who read this blog, most of you don't have any idea what it's about. I highly recommend picking up a copy, and read it spoiler free, before you go a-web surfing. I won't spoil the story in this blog.

To many, the Watchmen represents a sea-change in the comic book world. It, along with Frank Miller's The Dark Night Returns, is often mentioned as ushering the comics into the new millennium. No longer would the medium be just relegated to children's stories and weekend newspaper funnies. The Watchmen proved that comics could tell a complex, smart, sophisticated and truly engaging tale. It is a truly "adult comic" ("adult" in the sense of mature, and not how it's usually interpreted, i.e. "pornographic"). Again, I invite you to get a copy, because I won't even try discussing the story here. As a martial artist, what I do want to discuss is technique. Specifically the technique involved in writing the graphic novel.

Again, The Watchmen is proof that both Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons are master's of the medium. It can be enjoyed on many different levels, meaning you can read it over and over and still be granted new ephiphanies.

Level 1) The Forest: The novel has a very noir feel. Images and languages work together to invoke feelings one would get watching a Hitchcock film, or reading Raymond Chandler. Just look at this panel from page 8 of issue 1. This wordless introduction to a key character presents all you need to know about this mysterious person. There is nothing thrown away here. The first panel alone communicates the key theme of the whole enterprise. Each panel is as dutifully composed as each frame in a Kubrick film.

A true indication of the novels influence on today's culture can be seen in the opening pages of issue 1. The "pull-back" technique has been used again and again to in opening shots of films like "Men In Black" and "Contact".

Level 2) The Trees: The panels are loaded with details and clues that help outline the plot. Upon the first read, the ever-unfolding revelations will pretty much take your breath away. But what will really blow your mind is upon the second read, you discover that the drawing were full of clues that pre-state these revelations.

Level 3) The Language of Dreams: One of the key techniques Alan Moore would use to transcend the perception that comics had no literary merit, was to employ the use of repeated symbols, which was inspired by the writing of Willam Burroughs. For example, the "smiley face" symbol from issue 1...... is repeated again and again throughout the novel, most notably in issue 9...

Drawing of Argyre Planitia on Mars, the setting for a major story revelation.

Image of Argyre Planitia from Mars Global surveyor, March 1999.

The effective use of repetition with the novels text creates a dream-like sub language throughout the novel. This sub language is unique to the comic medium, unable to be achieved through the sole use of either cinema or literature. The reader's subconscious mind is interpreting images, and creating evocative linkages with the text. This explains the haunting nature of the work, as well as it's continued relevance to our society despite being 20 years old.


The death...


...and rebirth of Dr. Jon Osterman


Again, martial artists can find enjoyment of the novel through the appreciation of technique. You get a sense of the work required to create this opus, the countless hours of grinding away all the waste to produce a truly extraodinary and lasting piece of art. You also appreciate how the medium requires it's own language, it's own unique way of communicating that allows the practitioner to communicate something to the audience. It provides inspiration for us who attempt to express ourselves through the martial arts.