As of weekend, Teresa and I will have been married for seven years. We met at university, and that was a blessing, but the one disadvantage (or advantage, depending on your point of view) of having met so late in life is that by then we were too old to write each other the kind of bad love poems that only high school sweet hearts could invent. Well, to celebrate the cusp of our anniversary I have decided to write a poem for my wife in the spirit of all bad high school love poetry.

For Teresa,
A Really Bad Love Poem
By Ali Williams


If ever I was a glowing sun
you would be my earth.
If your beauty was a can of Coke
you sure would quench my thirst.
If I couldn't win you for second prize
I'd definitely come in first.
If your love was the cause of heart attacks,
Oh, mine would surely burst.


If our marriage was a hip hop song
just call me "Biggie Smalls",
'cause when it came to freestyle battles
for you I'd win them all.
I'd rock my "ice" and my Bentley,
I'd be feeling ten feet tall!
And if some player tried to hate on me,
I'd tell him "Lick my ballz"!


If your absence was a malady,
I would live my life in pain,
'cause every moment away from you
just drives a man insane!
To give perspective of my love
so you understand what I'm saying,
I love you just about as much
as young "Dubya" loved cocaine.

Baby you are my shining star
I humbly bask in your glow.
In this our seventh year of marriage
our love is sure to grow.
We faced some tests in the past,
and I'm sure we'll face some mo'.
Yet succeed we shall, both you and I,
at least that much I know.