Top Five Disturbing Things about the movie "300"

A buddy of mine copped a bootleg copy of the newly released movie "300" (I don't know where, and I didn't ask). Here are the Top Five most disturbing things I noticed about it:

5) Awful lot of men in underwear!

I mean tons of nearly-naked men, who it seems, have trained their abs to emote on the directors cue. I think the producers of "300" have actually created a new genre of film called: "military porn" (credit writer David Denby of the New Yorker Magazine for coining the term).

4) Good guys = white people; Bad Guys = dark skinned people from "Persia"

Yep, there is no better way to worsen the conflict in the Middle East than by releasing a movie where everybody east of "Sparta" is a bad guy. Why not add salt to the wound and claim that all Persians are sub-human freaks and/or sexually deviant!

3) Persians = Sexually deviant, sub-human freaks!
Somebody explain to me why Main Bad Guy, Persian King Xerxes is always forcing other men to "kneel before him". Is he supposed to be "gay"? If so, he must be the bad kind of "gay", y'know, "wearing jewelry and presiding over sex orgies, gay", as opposed to the Spartans, who are the good "don't ask, don't tell, rippling abs" kind of "gay".

2) Racism and the allusions to Christ.
Spoiler alert: Good King Leonidas, he of the "freedom isn't free" Spartans dies in a hail of arrows with his arms outstretched in a Christ-like fashion. (I wish I had a picture to show you.) "Damn! Those dark skinned, sexually deviant, sub-human, freak-like, Christ-killin', Je... uh, I mean,... Persians...!"

... and the single most disturbing thing about watching the movie "300"

1) The crazy subtitles.
As I mentioned I was watching a bootleg version and apparently the movie's subtitles were translated from English to a foreign language and back again to English. The resulting gibberish really gave the movie an unintended, but wholly compelling spin. For example, the dramatically delivered line:

"This is Sparta!"

was translated to:

"You must become aware that Sparta is the land you are standing in!"

Good times, baby.... good times...

On a marginally related topic, I would like to hereby start a new movement. Let's stop calling homosexual people "gay". From now on "gay" will be used to reference things that are kind of lame, like Britany Spears showing off her cooch, or the movie "300". For example, if your buddy shows up to work tomorrow with a "flock of seagulls" haircut, feel free to say:

"Dude, that is so gay! And by 'gay' I mean 'lame' not 'homosexual'... um... we're still friends, right...?"

If we as a society insist on using a derogatory term in reference to people of alternate sexual lifestyles, I suggest we use the term: "sly". As in:

"You know that guy Derek in HR? He's on the sly...!"

The term "sly" implies that Derek not only takes male lovers, but that he's somewhat smart and crafty, in a James Bondian sort of way.

... just a thought...