Keeper's First Blog Entry

We interrupt today's regularly scheduled blog entry. Today, Keeper, our new greyhound, decided to post the first of his hopefully ongoing journal entry's. Today's topic: Keepers first day.

Date: Oct. 24, 2006

1:00 PM
Linda-Mom and I went to Oakville to meet my new owner Teresa-Mom. After a quick walk and some chatting back and forth, I was packed up into the Blue Car. It smelled like French fries, which is a bit weird. Linda-Mom started to cry, which was a bit sad. I will miss Linda-Mom. Her house smelled nice and she had a lot of great stuff to chew on. Especially Tessa-Owl, which I’m happy to find out I get to keep! Tessa-Owl smells a bit like Linda-Mom. I’m beginning to become an “old-hat” at this foster business though, so I’m starting to get used to saying goodbye.

1:00 – 2:00
Drove for a long while. Was listening to CBC radio. It seems like Madonna is adopting a third-world baby, presumably to match her new Fendi handbag, or something. Man, humans are weird!

2:00
Got to the new house. Teresa-Mom led me to the backyard for a long pee. Ahhh! How satisfying!
2:00 – 3:00
Inspected the new house. I must say the new house is really different than Linda-Mom’s house. Not bad though, and the backyard is a reasonable size. Lots of birds at the bird feeder, and I smell in the air a hint of rabbit and squirrel. That’s promising! Teresa-Mom showed me my new dog bed. Grabbed Tessa-Owl and laid down for a nap.

3:00 – 4:00
I’ll say this about Teresa-Mom, she gives a lot of good pets. Followed her to the kitchen and laid down for a while. More petting. Ahhh, life is good!

4:30
This dude walks into the house. Black Guy, kinda funny looking. Smells like French fries, which solves that mystery. Bonus, he too loves to gives pets!

4:30 – 5:00
Teresa-Mom and the Black Guy take me upstairs and sort of lavish me with a lot of attention. There is much petting and grooming, and a lot of saying my name over an over again. Turns out the Black Guy has a pocket full of kibble which he feeds to me one by one. Score! Hey, I grew up on a race track in Florida , I know an easy mark when I see one.

5:00 - 5:30
The Black Guy grabs a clicker. He feeds me a bit of kibble and clicks the clicker. He feeds me another bit of kibble and clicks the clicker. This happens again, and again, and again…. After about the tenth time I want to tell him: “Hey buddy, I get it! Clicker equals food. Now chill out!” But, you know owners. You have to indulge them for a bit in order to train them right. He gives up on the clicker after fifteen tries.

5:30
Finally! Some food. Yummy! Ate in my new crate. It’s got that “new crate” smell…

6:00
After another pee, Teresa-Mom, the Black-Dude and I bundle up for a nice walk. It’s kinda cold up here in Canada , and I would be freezing my gonads off, if I had any. (Yuk-yuk!) But Teresa-Mom outfits me with a doggy coat and we are set. It’s pretty interesting around here. There’s cars, there’s other dogs, there’s people a plenty. The owner’s try to cut the walk short, but in the end I convince them to give me another go around the block. We visit two parks, see more dogs. At one point I get confused and I mistake this big blowing leaf for a squirrel. How embarrassing!

7:00
The weird thing about owners is how concerned they are about poop. I guess they were expecting me to poop during the walk, but hey folks, I’m not ready. Talk about pressure! After the walk we go back inside. Every 10 to 15 minutes they take me outside again for a poop. Umm, still not ready, folks! Thankfully, they wise up and give it a rest.

7:00 – 10:00
Get the teeth brushed. Some more pets. A treat or two and then… a nice long nap. Ahhhh, it’s comfortable here!

10:00
Bedtime for the owners. The Black Guy and I go outside for the last time that night, which works out for me because I’m finally ready for a poop. Again with the poop fixation. I really don’t understand why owners feel the need to pick up the poop with a plastic bag. Makes wanna shout: “Hey buddy, I left that there for a reason!” Then when we go back inside, the Black Guy and Teresa-Mom have this discussion about the consistency of my poop! How friggin’ weird!

Later:
At first, I couldn’t figure where they wanted me to sleep. Then I figure out as they make up a spot for me in the bedroom. What the hell was wrong with the upstairs den? Ahhh, owners… Anyways, I think it’s gonna be okay living here.

Peace out!

A BASKETBALL STORY - PART 2

The story so far…
Acclaimed freelance writer Kalil Honsou begins his year long search for Jimmy Waters, a basketball player whom Michael Jordan, himself, believes is the “Greatest of All Time”.

* * *

At first my investigations were sporadic. Whenever I wasn’t running around either chasing a story, or chasing a buyer for my story, or surfing the net, or watching TV, or hanging out, or playing with my bellybutton lint, I was searching out the name “Jimmy Waters” amongst player archives and comparing them to Jordan’s. I looked for players who scored more points in one game, players with better offensive or defensive rebounds, players with better field goals made in one game.

I searched records from high school players in Bed Stuy, and found no “Jimmy Waters”.

I widened my search to high school players in the other boroughs. No luck.

And even though Mike told me “Jimmy Waters” never made it to college, I searched the records anyway. To no avail.

I spent about for or so months, on and off, pouring through old, dusty archives, and poorly copied mimeographs, risking black lung and myopia searching for a ghost. I then realized that Michael was pulling my leg after all, and my interest in Jimmy Waters started to wane.

A few weeks later, I was chatting with another freelance writer friend of mine named Tek-9, at a vegetarian restaurant in the Harlem. Tek-9 wrote a lot of copy for The Source magazine and he’s somewhat of a legend.

(Rumor has it that one day Suge Knight cornered Tek out in the back alley of some record release party in Manhattan, for one of those shitty acts Death Row was promoting after Dr. Dre left the label. This was just after Suge was released from jail [again], and even though it was a long while after Pac and Biggie got hit, he was still riding high on the image of fear he was generating on the streets of both coasts. Suge was famous for his intimidation tactics [like dangling Vanilla Ice out a penthouse window in Miami to get him to sign over his royalties], and all of us writers were, well… frankly, we were running scared. I know a lot of writers who talked shit whenever and wherever, except when Suge was around. When Suge showed up, everybody’s mouths clamped shut. Except for Tek-9. A week before the confrontation Tek had given Death Row’s latest release zero mics, and wrote a scathing review that equated the future of Death Row under Knight’s command to the last days of Howard Dean’s bid for the 2004 Democratic Nomination. Apparently Suge took umbrage with the review. Suge confronted Tek, and the rumor is Suge came “heavy”. No body really knows what happened that night other than Tek and Suge, and neither one spoke a work about it. But Tek had walked away without a mark, and Suge spent the rest of his New York trip sporting thick sunglasses, apparently to hide an “eye jammy” that looked suspiciously like the butt end of his own Mark VII .357 “Desert Eagle”. Mitch “Blood” Green, like a motherfucker!)

Suge, three days after his meeting with Tek-9.

I was just chatting with Tek about nothing and everything. We discussed Bloomberg versus Giuliani and came to the conclusion that they were both full of shit. We talked about how we missed groups like Public Enemy, especially in the days of Bush’s second disastrous term in office. We discussed Jay-Z’s retirement, and made bets when he was going to return to the mic (September 2006. For the record, I won so pay me my “fiddy” dollars, bi-atch!). That led to a talk about Jordan and his three retirements. It was then I remembered that Tek had an encyclopedic memory of street basketball players. I asked Tek if he knew of a player named Jimmy Waters.

“Who?” he replied.

“You never heard of a street player named ‘Jimmy Waters”? Michael Jordan calls him the greatest player of all time.”

“…the fuck you talking ‘bout, son? Ain’t nobody greater than Mike!”

“I know, I know!” I said. “I’ve been searching player stats and there’s nobody with a better record.”

“You serious about this, Kay?” Tek asked.

I shrugged.

Tek started to think. He truly pondered my quandary.

He said: “A guy like Mike, you ain’t never gonna find anybody on paper better than him. So you’re looking up the wrong tree, son. You searching for the unknown, the unsung hero. The man in black.”

“Yeah, but does he exist?”

“If he does, Bed-Stuy is the perfect place to look for him. Bed-Stuy is full of unsung hero’s. The streets are littered with stories, tales, and legends you ain’t never going to hear. You won’t find 'em in no ‘lie-bury’, no internet and in no rap song. These stories, they too bloody, too hardcore for public consumption. You can’t find that shit in Harlem, son. You gotta go straight to the streets. You gotta walk the streets and wait for them to tell you the tales.”

“That’s just your way of telling me you don’t know who the fucker is.”

“No I don’t. But I tell you what I do know, son. What ever makes him the “greatest” ain’t got nothing’ to do with points and shit. It’s gotta be the story. If he does exist, I know who would know who he is.”

Tek wrote an address down for me.

“Go see this man. Go walk the streets.”

* * *

Three days later I knocked on the office door of Coach Elijah Roberts. He coached the boy’s basketball team at Peter Stuyvesant High, at the corner of Fulton and Schenectady.

“My name is Kalil Honsou, and I am a freelance writer.” I said by way of introduction. “I’m writing a story on Jimmy Waters.”

Coach Roberts looked at me for a long time.

“It’s about time,” he said. “Come on in.”

To be continued…

Bedford-Stuyvesant is one of the few neighborhoods in New York City to possess an identity and culture that is known to audiences outside of New York City. Director Spike Lee has prominently featured the streets and brownstone blocks of Bedford Stuyvesant in his films, including Do The Right Thing (1989) and Crooklyn (1994). Chris Rock's television sitcom, Everybody Hates Chris, portrays Rock's life growing up as a teenager in Bedford-Stuyvesant in 1983. The neighborhood was also the setting of Dave Chappelle's 2004 documentary Block Party, in which Chappelle and many prominent Rap and Soul artists performed an impromptu concert on a street corner.

A BASKETBALL STORY - PART 1

AUTHOR’S NOTE: This story came to me in a dream. I’ll try to transcribe it as accurately as possible, but I’m afraid there are going to be some definite problems. For one thing, the story is about a basketball player, and I don’t know a single thing about the game. That’s going to be the weakest and most easily criticized part of the story, because, frankly, I’m going to fake it. But the story touched my heart, and I’m thinking it is demanding to be told. It is my intention to tell this story serially over several days and several ‘blog postings. Honestly folks, I don’t know where this story is going to go. I am hoping you will enjoy the journey.

THE GREATEST BASKET-BALL PLAYER OF ALL TIME
By Kalil Honsou

Kalil Honsou is a freelance writer who has published articles in The Source, Vanity Fair, and GQ. In 2006 he garnered critical acclaim for his three part article on Michael Jordan, entitled “American Legend: The Rise and Rise of ‘Air’ Jordan”, published in Sports Illustrated three years after the athlete’s retirement from the National Basketball Association.

It was the last day of my extensive interview with Michael Jordan.

Michael, gracious man that he is, had allowed me an unprecedented access to his private life. We had arranged to meet each other periodically over the course of a month, each time in a different location. Once in Mali, we met just before Michael was feted by government officials in the African nation. Another time, we met in a small town in Maryland, where Mike was busy coaching his youngest son’s Little League team. Yet another time we met in Las Vegas, joined by Charles Barkley for a private, high-stakes three-day poker marathon that was detailed in my article “American Legend: The Rise and Rise of ‘Air’ Jordan”. But on this, our last day, we met in Michael’s office at the base of operations of the Washington Wizards.

At the tail end of the interview, after I had turned off my tape recorder and was preparing to leave for the airport. I off-handedly asked Michael who he considered was the greatest basketball player of all time. This was meant as a joke. Those of us who had interviewed Mike over the years already knew his answer. When asked that question, a younger Mike Jordan would just smile and you and arch his eyebrows knowingly. Nothing more need to be said.

But this occasion was different. This older Mike was different. This was a man looking at the other side of significant events that shook his sense of security and mortality. This was a man who had to bury a murdered father, weather the storm of a crumbling marriage, and who also had to watch as close friends and business acquaintances burned up in the horror of the 9-11 terrorist attacks.

“Hey Mike,” I said smiling. “Just for the record, who do you think is the greatest basketball player of all time?”

Mike looked thoughtfully over at me. “Ever heard of Jimmy Waters?”

“Who?” I said.

“Damn,” he said. “I thought you know everything, K. You’re slippin’!”

“There has never been a professional basketball player named ‘Jimmy Waters’.” I said. I was a bit stung, too.

“I didn’t say he was a pro.” Mike replied. “Didn’t even make it to college.”

“What’s he a street ball player? He better than ‘the Goat’?”

Earl “The Goat” Manigault
(1944-1998)

Considered the best street basketball player of all time. Known for his 52-inch vertical leap and his ability to “double dunk” (i.e. dunking the ball twice in mid air). Immortalized by Don Cheadle in the movie Rebound: The Legend of Earl “The Goat” Manigault. Died of heart failure in 1998

Mike scoffed at me. “Now you’re just plain trippin’. Jimmy Waters. Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn. ‘The Planet’. Look him up there. Now ask me no more questions, I’ve got work to do.” Hey waved me out of the office.

Thus I began what would become a year-long odyssey to discover the man who Michael Jordan considered was more deserving of the title “Greatest of All-Time”.

"Balance, Daniel-san."

It's all about balance, really. Something bad will happen, and then something good will happen. Take for instance last week. On Monday I got an email from the YMCA saying that they are canceling the 3-day self-defense clinic due to lack of sign ups. They feel that the hectic schedule during the month of September was a reason behind the cancellation. People were just too darn busy!

At first I fought for keeping the clinic, working on my own to secure some interested students. But alas, I agreed to the cancellation for two reasons: 1) it was difficult for folks to change their schedules on such short notice and 2) I was sick as a dog!

Last week I had a pretty bad cold, and was out of commission for the equivalent of two days. I needed the rest. Still I felt pretty disappointed about giving up on the clinic.

Then on Thursday, my office manager, Randy informed me that he nominated me for a company award for the previous fundraising clinic. I was written up in the company newsletter, along with a couple other folks from other offices who organized some pretty unique community service events on behalf of the company. It felt great to be nominated, and to be named with that group of people. And I actually got a little prize. It's a silver star shaped award currently housed on my office bookshelf.

It was really nice of Randy to put my name in. It was an unexpected pleasure.

Balance.

New Logo and Another Announcement

Like the new logo? My brother, Ngai designed it. Neat, huh?

Also...

Another self-defense program. This program runs for three 1-hour classes and covers a whole bunch of neat topics.

Can't wait!

Summer Book Reading List

The end of summer 2006 is nigh, so continuing my streak of un-original post ideas, I present the following list of books I've read this summer:

1) Canadian Professional Engineering and Geoscience: Practice and Ethics by Gordon C. Andrews

2) Law for Professional Engineers, 3rd Edition, by D.L. Marston

3) The Penelopiad, by Margaret Atwood There are two really important reasons I placed these books first on my list.

a) Upon first glance of the titles people think I’m smart
b) I had to read the first two for homework.

The Ethics and Law textbooks were required reading, as I was preparing for the Ontario Professional Engineers Exam. For textbooks, they actually turned out to be pretty good reading. The case studies were riveting, and I actually learned something about law and ethics this summer. As for the third book, I wouldn’t call myself the biggest Atwood fan in the world. Sometimes her books are just too damn “lit’ry”. (That whooshing sound is the loss of any credibility earned at the beginning of this post.) But The Penelopiad is a crafty little tale and an almost perfect way to exercise those brain cells over a long, hot, war-torn summer. It’s tied with The Robber Bride as my favorite Atwood book.

4) The Ultimates Vol. 1 & 2 by Mark Millar, Bryan Hitch & Andrew Currie
5) Maus: I – My Father Bleeds History by Art Spiegelman
6) Y - The Last Man Vol. 1- 3 by Brian K. Vaughan, Pia Guerra & Jose Marzan, Jr.
7) Mail Order Bride by Mark Kalesniko

I was trolling the local libraries in between study sessions this summer and made a happy discovery. Most public libraries now have a section devoted to graphic novels of all kinds. So that’s where I picked up these next four books.

The Ultimates was a really fun read. Marvel Comic’s “Ultimate” Line of books are modern updates on classic superhero origin stories. The Ultimates is Marvel’s update of the Avengers, bringing the team to the new and darker, post-9-11 world. I got on this bandwagon fairly late, but Mark Millar’s writing and Bryan Hitches photo-real art have me hooked.

Maus is Art Spiegelman’s Pulitzer Prize award winning rendition of the Holocaust as recalled by his father, Vladek. In Maus, Spiegelman depicts the Jews as mice, the Poles as pigs and the Germans as cats, resulting in artwork that’s as haunting as the stories themselves. Highly recommended reading.

Y-The Last Man is the story of a mysterious plague that wipes out every animal with a Y-chromosome except for Yorick, an amateur escape artist, and Ampersand, his pet monkey. The graphic novel attempts a realistic look at the tragedy and the comedy in this weird post-apocalyptic world where 99% of the world’s landowners, 97% of commercial airline pilots and 85% of all government representatives have died in a violent explosion of blood and brain matter. My friend, Jenni recommended this book, and my sister in-law, Sarah is also hooked. My wife is hesitant to read it, because she hates comics, and she’s reading this humongoid book, but the writing is too good for her to pass up on this one.

Mail Order Bride. I’ve never heard of it before. I picked this book up on a whim. I’m glad I did. It’s about an ineffectual comic book store owner and his Korean mail order bride, and the merry hell they generate in each other’s lives. It’s a pretty good meditation on racial and sexual politics.

8) The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

(everybody knows what the damn book looks like)

9) Beyond Band of Brothers: The War Memoirs of Maj. Dick Winters by Dick Winters and Cole C. Kingseed 10) Without You: A Memoir of Love, Loss and the Musical Rent by Anthony Rapp
I purchased these books-on-tape from Audible.com to help entertain me on my long drives between Ontario, New Jersey and Pennsylvania. Now, I can’t be the only one who thought the Da Vinci Code was a piece of crap. It’s a great premise, but it’s a boring book.

Beyond Band of Brothers was very good. It made be cry all the way from Scranton, PA to Binghamton, NY. It’s really sad to think that the few remaining men who fought in Easy Company during World War II are going to be all gone within the next few years.

Without You was really nice at first, especially when it focused on the creation of the Broadway musical Rent, and when the author wrote about dealing with his mother’s illness. But it started to get a bit tedious near the end. But then again, so were the long-ass trips to the States.

YMCA HOSTS CHARITY SELF-DEFENSE CLINIC

On Thursday, August 24th, an introductory self defense clinic was hosted the A.R. Kaufman YMCA in Kitchener, Waterloo by Region 15’s newest club, True North Martial Arts. The clinic was instructed by Mr. Ali Williams, E Dan. Clinic participants included members of the YMCA as well as employees from local businessess. The registration fee for the event was $10 per person. The proceeds of the event were donated to the YMCA’s Partners for Youth Campaign, a charity that helps fund membership fees for families and children in need.

The hour-long event covered many different topics including, hand and feet techniques, active and passive self-defense, as well as meditative breathing skills. Participants were lively, energetic and actively engaged in learning the multiple self-defense holds and escapes introduced in the clinic. Clinic participants raised $200 for the Partner’s for Youth Campaign.

Special thanks go out to the following:

Participants & Contributors
Kristy Baerg, Rachel Brown, Rhonda Burns, Dawn Burnett, Teresa Cornwell, Mauro Cortes, Debbie Karmaschek, Andrea Kauppinen, Suzanne Little, Caleb MacDonald, Sheila Mutton, Donna Perk, Caroline Valeriote, Ali Williams, Barbara Ingrata, Randy Knudsen, Kelly Knudsen, Donna Verbakel

Quiz answers

1) "d", sandalwood

2) both "c" and "d" were wrong. my bad. The Remains of the Day was directed by James Ivory, based on the novel by Kazuo Ishiguro, who also wrote Never Let Me Go.

3) "Fish" lied to get a role in Apocalypse Now, a movie with a shooting schedule so long that he practically came of age during production. Useless fact #1: Did you know that Marlon Brando was so unprepared for the movie that director Francis Ford Coppola had to read Heart of Darkness out loud to him in between takes? Useless fact #2: someone should do a film class on the similarities between Apocalypse Now and The Wizard of Oz.

4) "b" is the right answer. Answer "c" is the code names of the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad from Kill Bill (visit link to read the kick ass uncut original screenplay).

5) the correct answer is "h". The pollen thing sure came in handy when she was attacked by a swarm of semi-sentient wasps, let me tell you...

6) "a" pot-lid is correct. Ang shoulda got that one. You're slippin' New Girl!

7) "d" is the correct answer. It's also something I say just before Teresa and I get freaky.... Noooch!

8) "b" is the correct answer. All other lines were from Quentin Tarantino movies.

9) "a" is correct. Captain Canuck is a sorely underrated and rarely used hero. Frank Miller should do a dark and gritty retelling of the origin story a la Dark Night Returns.

10) "c" is correct. I'm still laughing just thinkin of that scene. I wonder how Jenni got that one correct.... hmmm...?

Word scramble. Any one who got that one right can kiss my grits! NOOOOCH!

And the official winner (wiener?) of the first ever All Time Best Quiz is Jenni, who got seven out of ten.

All Time Best Pop Quiz

Proving I have no original thoughts, I've decided to steal Jenni's idea at create this pop quiz (except for some reason, mine is not funny). The quiz subjects will be based on the books and movies listed in my "All Time Best" list (except for one or two exceptions). I thought of awarding a prize for the person who posts the most correct replies, but decided that would take too much work. Winners will just have to be satisfied with the knowledge that they are just a nerdy as I am.

1) Roland the Gunslinger from the Dark Tower is armed with a mystical set of pistols, with specially made grips. What wood are the grips made out of:

a) ironwood
b) ghostwood
c) mahogany
d) sandalwood

2) Ang Lee, director of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, made all of the following films except:

a) Hulk
b) Brokeback Mountain
c) The Remains of the Day
d) The House of Flying Daggers

3) Way back before he played Morpheus in the Matrix movies, a then 14-year old Laurence Fishburne lied about his age in order to get a role in which one of the following movies:

a) The Godfather
b) Apocalypse Now
c) Shaft
d) Mother, Jugs and Speed

4) The 5 Deadly Venoms are:

a) toad, snake, amphibian, caterpillar, platypus
b) snake, centipede, lizard, scorpion, toad
c) black mamba, california mountain snake, cobra, sidewinder, cottonmouth
d) asp, stingray, stone fish, salamander, jellyfish

5) Nerd Bonus!!! Speaking of venom, the Kagero, the female ninja in Ninja Scrolls has the following very special power:

a) her years as a royal poison taster makes her lethal to the touch
b) she can mentally control poisonous snakes
c) she throws poison tipped ninja stars
d) she can magically disperse drug-laced rose pollen
e) none of the above
f) both a and b
g) all of the above
h) both a and d
i) both a and c

6) In Battle Royal, Shuya Nanahara, the hero of the movie is assigned crappy weapon in his pack. The weapon is:

a) a pot lid
b) a police whistle
c) a megaphone
d) a flashlight

7) In Karate Kid, the motto of the Cobra Kai is:

a) "Shoot to kill!"
b) "In space, no one can hear you scream!"
c) "Never get into a land war in Asia!"
d) "Strike first, strike hard, no mercy, sir!"

8) Which famous line is from the movie, The Princess Bride:

a) "Sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I wouldn't know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy @$#&!"
b) "It is conceivable, you miserable vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand."
c) "I might never have liked you. Point in fact, I despise you. But that doesn't suggest I don't respect you."
d) "If you wanna know something he won't tell ya, cut off one of his fingers. The little one. Then tell him his thumb is next."

9) Which name is NOT a character in The Watchmen:

a) Captain Canuck
b) The Nite Owl
c) The Silk Spectre
d) The Comedian

10) Extra Special Nerd Bonus: In Clerk's II, what is the name of Elias's girlfriend's "mouth-troll".

a) Hailey-tosis
b) Molar-Ram
c) Lister-fiend
d) Samwise Gum-gee

Extra, extra bonus word scramble: IAL SI A RNDE

General Update

These past few months have been busy work wise, so Tang Soo Do has taken the back burner as of late. All that is about to change. This Thursday, I will be instructing the self-defense clinic at the K-W YMCA (with Teresa assisting). Also, I recently started crunching the numbers and putting together the general business plan for a YMCA based Tang Soo Do program. I spoke with both Master Vaughn and Mr. Boriello (from Region 8) who gave lots of good advice. Teresa and I also had a really illuminating chat with Manny from Champion's Way, a company that provides assistance to folk who run martial arts studio's. Prospects are looking really good and we continue to work towards getting an official WTSDA studio here in Ontario.

Julie Christie, a black belt from Vaughn's Dojang, was nice enough to forward me some pictures from the recent WTSDA World Tournament:

Here's Vaughn's Dojang Demo Team celebrating their 3rd place prize for their James Bond/Austin Powers competition demo. It's really good to see these kids carrying on the demo leadership. Mike and Lauren can attest to how hard it is to compete against all the other teams from across the world, and how good it feels to celebrate your victories with your Tang Soo Do brother's and sister's. Carry on, guys!


Here's Karen (in the white sparring gear) setting up her opponent for a "cherry" roundhouse kick to the midsection. I've been fortunate to watch Karen grow up the past eight years, developing into quite a martial artist. Also, she's got one of the greatest smiles in Tang Soo Do, (as well as one hell of a roundhouse kick). Cheers, Karen!


Mister Vu!!!! Everybody loves Mr. Vu!!!

God I miss Vaughn's Dojang!


Here is a picture of me back in 2003 at the Freedom's Foundation, back when I had dread locks.

Peace out folks.

Mmmmeltdooowns!

This past summer has been great for watching aging movie stars meltdown. Mel Gibson, man! Cheeses-peeezes what where you thinking? I guess you were thinking: "It's time to go on a booze-fueled and bigotry bender!" It's quite obvious you weren't thinking "What would Jesus do?"

Now I've got to admit a bit of guilt, here. As horrible as Mel Gibson's comments were to the Jewish community, and as pathetic as his apology was, there is one little event that fateful night, that gives me and my friend Mike Wex the giggles whenever we mention it. We cackle like a pair of Gollums. To me, it's evidence of how horror and comedy are so closely linked.

Apparently as Mel Gibson was being booked, for a night in the drunk tank by a female police officer (after being restrained from urinating on the floor), he said to her, and I quote: "What do you think you're looking at, sugartits?"

"Sugartits"?

.... the man said "sugartits"?

The arrogance in that one sentence is astounding. I guess I really shouldn't be appalled that a man who thinks Jews are behind all wars also thinks it's okay to call a peace officer a really disparaging name. But I will give the man his due. He is a very creative person. After all, who amongst us here, in the midst of being arrested, would even think of string the words "sugar" and the word "tits", and then using that word in reference to the officer who was currently processing us for a night in the tank.

Yes, my friends, Mel Gibson may be a stupid, ignorant, mysoginistic, racist, MF'er...

...I guess that sentence was finished after all.

Tomorrow...

...is a big day for True North Martial Arts.

Tomorrow, I will be meeting with the local YMCA about becoming part of their fitness program. I'm very excited, preparing a lot of materials for a little presentation.

Wish me luck!


By the way...

On a little miffed off note, I'm noticing that I'm being spammed in my comment's sections. Some anonymous prat is posting a link to some shady crappy site on my blog. So general warning to you readers, check before you click any links.

I had ambitions...

... to get my blog back on track with respect to discussing more substantial matters with respect to martial arts. I have a series of posts planned to discuss my mentor/mentee relationship with Master Vaughn. I have another series of posts plan on the link I recently discovered in the symbols I have attached to my professional, extra-curricular and family lives. They could be pretty good blogs which would allow me to stretch my writing skills a bit.

Alas, due to the recent heat wave, and a desire to eschew all serious topics (and to spur a long-distance book club discussion with Eric) I once again revisit my "All Time Best" List.

All Time Best Graphic Novel.

The Watchmen by Alan Moore and illustrated by Dave Gibbons.


There are many, many websites dedicated to deconstructing The Watchmen, a graphic novel which is in itself a masterful deconstruction of the superhero genre. I will assume the of the few of you who read this blog, most of you don't have any idea what it's about. I highly recommend picking up a copy, and read it spoiler free, before you go a-web surfing. I won't spoil the story in this blog.

To many, the Watchmen represents a sea-change in the comic book world. It, along with Frank Miller's The Dark Night Returns, is often mentioned as ushering the comics into the new millennium. No longer would the medium be just relegated to children's stories and weekend newspaper funnies. The Watchmen proved that comics could tell a complex, smart, sophisticated and truly engaging tale. It is a truly "adult comic" ("adult" in the sense of mature, and not how it's usually interpreted, i.e. "pornographic"). Again, I invite you to get a copy, because I won't even try discussing the story here. As a martial artist, what I do want to discuss is technique. Specifically the technique involved in writing the graphic novel.

Again, The Watchmen is proof that both Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons are master's of the medium. It can be enjoyed on many different levels, meaning you can read it over and over and still be granted new ephiphanies.

Level 1) The Forest: The novel has a very noir feel. Images and languages work together to invoke feelings one would get watching a Hitchcock film, or reading Raymond Chandler. Just look at this panel from page 8 of issue 1. This wordless introduction to a key character presents all you need to know about this mysterious person. There is nothing thrown away here. The first panel alone communicates the key theme of the whole enterprise. Each panel is as dutifully composed as each frame in a Kubrick film.

A true indication of the novels influence on today's culture can be seen in the opening pages of issue 1. The "pull-back" technique has been used again and again to in opening shots of films like "Men In Black" and "Contact".

Level 2) The Trees: The panels are loaded with details and clues that help outline the plot. Upon the first read, the ever-unfolding revelations will pretty much take your breath away. But what will really blow your mind is upon the second read, you discover that the drawing were full of clues that pre-state these revelations.

Level 3) The Language of Dreams: One of the key techniques Alan Moore would use to transcend the perception that comics had no literary merit, was to employ the use of repeated symbols, which was inspired by the writing of Willam Burroughs. For example, the "smiley face" symbol from issue 1...... is repeated again and again throughout the novel, most notably in issue 9...

Drawing of Argyre Planitia on Mars, the setting for a major story revelation.

Image of Argyre Planitia from Mars Global surveyor, March 1999.

The effective use of repetition with the novels text creates a dream-like sub language throughout the novel. This sub language is unique to the comic medium, unable to be achieved through the sole use of either cinema or literature. The reader's subconscious mind is interpreting images, and creating evocative linkages with the text. This explains the haunting nature of the work, as well as it's continued relevance to our society despite being 20 years old.

The death...

...and rebirth of Dr. Jon Osterman

Again, martial artists can find enjoyment of the novel through the appreciation of technique. You get a sense of the work required to create this opus, the countless hours of grinding away all the waste to produce a truly extraodinary and lasting piece of art. You also appreciate how the medium requires it's own language, it's own unique way of communicating that allows the practitioner to communicate something to the audience. It provides inspiration for us who attempt to express ourselves through the martial arts.

Announcing!

All Time Best Martial Movie, son!

Ever since the dawn of time, man has struggled through the primordial evolutionary soup to achieve one ultimate goal. That goal? To produce the All Time Best Martial Arts movie, ever. Many men attempted the goal. Men like Kurosawa, the Shaw Brothers and Bruce Lee. Although these master's glimpsed some form of legend, true greatness was denied them.

Then in 1984, nearly two thousand years after the birth of that storied Jewish carpenter, greatness was finally achieved. At that time a young writer named Robert Mark Kamen, fresh off of writing the screenplay for Taps, a movie that launched the careers of Sean Penn, and a wacky little firecracker of a Scientologist named Tom Cruise, began to write another screenplay about his martial arts mentor Meitoku Yagi. That movie, influenced as it was by the cultural zeitgeist of teen movies of that era, was destined to become the greatest martial arts movie of all time: And that movie is....

...directed by John G. Avildsen.

All joking aside, the movie is truly enjoyable and I try to watch it at least once a year.

What makes the movie so great? Well let's start with the pretty strange, yet thoroughly engaging structure. The first act has all the makings of a primetime hour-long, teen-based soap opera. I will take the opportunity now to declare that I have somewhat of a weak spot for such stories. I don't know where it comes from. It's like part of my soul is possessed by an aging Hollywood gossip maven.

The movie begins by showing us the trials and tribulations of young Daniel LaRusso, played by Ralph Macchio. In a plot point that would someday be palagerized by Beverly Hills 90210, Daniel has recently moved from the smoggy comforts of New Yorks inner city to the wild and exotic land of California. His feet barely touches beach sand, he manages to use his rough "Hey youse, guys" charm to woo a cute, well-monied California girl played by Elizabeth Shue, in her first movie role. Unfortunately said girl is the former love of Johnny Lawrence, (William Zabka) a decidedly Aryan-looking surfer boy who also happens to be a tournament karate champion. So the first act is basically scene after scene of Daniel getting his little butt whupped on by Johnny and his gang of "Cobra Kai's".

John Hughes couldn't write a better plot of teen angst.

The movie begins to change as we get to know the character, Mr. Miyagi, played by comedian Noriyuki 'Pat' Morita in an Oscar nominated supporting role. At first Mr. Miyagi is introduced almost as an afterthought. He's merely seen as an immigrant superintendent, almost unimportant. But it turns out that Mr. Miyagi is a karate expert. At first he doesn't want to get involved with Daniel's problems, but after realizing how much guidance the boy really needs, he agrees to teach Daniel how to protect himself.

The second act of the movie is devoted to the developing mentor/student, father/son relationship between Daniel and Miyagi. The teen angsty bullying, the faltering relationship with the cute girl, the adjustment to life in a new city with his divorced mother, all this falls to the wayside. Instead we are treated to the philosophical teachings of a true martial artist in a simple and profound manner. Compared to the teachings of Reese, who runs the Cobra Kai, we soon see that Miyagi, who learned his art from his father, has chosen to walk the truer and purer path.

The movie is surprisingly very truthful in its depiction of early martial arts training. Even the best instructors will sometimes find that their students are completely bored by the repetition of technique, and will question the point of practicing. It is my opinion that the true sign of greatness of Miyagi as a teacher is how he manages to guide Daniel-san through the elementary stages of martial arts instruction, while getting the boy to do a hell of a lot of house chores. Hand's down, the man is a genius.

Eventually Daniel-san learns the wisdom behind Miyagi's strange teaching style, and the boy learns humility. I've come to learn that that simple lesson of trust, of learning to accept with humility, is the first really big test for every martial arts student. The movie is very right in its depiction of that key challenge.

The best scene in the movie to me is the "anniversary scene" where we discover that Miyagi has his own demons. I've watched that scene many times in my life, but for some reason, lately I've taken to crying during those moments. This is my second, somewhat wussy admission, I know... but that scene just wrecks me, son! Can't help it.

The third act deals with the tournament, and I will begin by issuing my third wussy admission. I am a complete sucker for "competition" movies. Movies like Rocky, Remember the Titans, Rize, hell even Bring It On, any movie where the underdog has to take part competition at the end, I will buy into the emotion of it, no matter how cheesy. In this movie, Daniel takes on all the members of the Cobra Kai, one by one, succeeding each time. Treachery hobbles him in the final test, and this is were we encounters Daniel's the second greatest test. With Miyagi's help, he limps onto the floor for the final battle, already a winner just by the fact that he never gives up. Even this somewhat cliched aspect of the movie works for me again and again. I must admit that I don't think I've seen a more deliberately flashy and possibly ineffective kick like the "Crane technique". And I'll tell ya a little secret, if you watch the final scene closely you can see Ralph Macchio indicate to actor William Zabka, what foot he's going to kick with in the penultimate fight. But I cheer every time Daniel limps out, against all odds to face Johnny on that tournament floor. Like I said, I just can't help it. The Karate Kid. Truly the greatest martial arts movie of all time!

(P.S. For those interested in discovering the real "Mr. Miyagi" follow this link!)

Self-Defense Pt. III

On June 28, I ran my first ever Basic Self Defense class in Canada. This class was a trial run for an idea I had for a corporate fundraising event for my local YMCA. Earlier in June, I submitted a formal proposal to my company and to the YMCA to hold introductory an hour-long Basic Self-Defense Clinic, the proceeds of which would go to the YMCA's Partner's for Youth campaign. This charity helps generate financial support for children and families who might otherwise be unable to participate in the YMCA.

The trial run class was run by myself, and I was assisted by my wife, Teresa, who has a lot of familiarity with female self-defense. The participants were a mixed bag of YMCA employees and associates. It was a small class, 5 students total, but it was a heck of a lot of fun! Unfortunately we neglected to take a camera, so I don't have any pics to publish, but the trial run was so much of a success that we are anticipating more events in the future.

Running an hour-long clinic is not as easy as it sounds. I put in many hours of research, and Teresa and I put in a few days of physical practice time for that one-hour. There are a few important reasons why we spent all that time in preparation. One, I wanted to make a good impression on the YMCA crew, because I foresee a long and fruitful relationship between True North Martial Arts and the YMCA. Two, if you're gonna teach a subject, it helps to look like you know what you're doing. Most importantly though, self-defense is a very controversial subject, and you need to do your research to get things right.

The controversy generally lies in the ethics of the situation. There are many who would instruct without the required experience and knowledge. It's often the case that a supposed instructor can do more harm to his/her students because of their unfamiliarity and lack of knowledge. Frankly, the martial arts world is full of folks who lack maturity and experience and know just enough to do some major damage. Lord knows I don't want to add to that kind of harm.

Luckily I've had some pretty good instructors. For those of you who live in Pennsylvania area, and are interested in self-defense, but are not interested in navigating through a whole lot of posers and wanna be's, I advise you to check out folks like Master Charles Vaughn of Vaughn's Dojang and Master Kevin Robinson of Robinson's Martial Arts Institute. The rest of you should check out the World Tang Soo Do website to see if there is a studio near you. WTSDA is lucky to have many great self-defense instructors. Up here in Region 15, (i.e., Canada), our Regional Head, Master Larry Wick, has developed his own self-defense system that he teaches to law enforcement officers all around North America.

Those of you in the Kitchener/Waterloo area would do well to keep in contact with the local YMCA. Based on the positive response to the trial run, we will be running our fundraising clinics very soon. Until then...

Tang Soo!

For My Norwich Peeps...

Analysis of my Site Tracker reveals that the majority of my blog readers are from Norwich. As such, I've decided to write the following:

Top Ten List of things that my Norwich readers like:

10) Firefly and Serenity - "Take me out into the black. Tell 'em I ain't comin' back. Burn the land and boil the sea, but you can't take the sky from me!" Let's all raise a glass to Mal, Zoe, Wash, Kaylee, Jayne, Book, and the Doctor and his crazy sister. We miss you all! Long live the Browncoats!

9) Fight Club - Self enlightenment through self destruction is best done vicariously.

8) The Princess Bride - "You keep on using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

7) X-Men - "Sworn to protect a world that hates them."

6) Carcassonne - Rule 1. Always gang up on Eric!

5) Bloggin' - "I know I'm late to the blog bandwagon, but I figured the world can always use another knitting/craft/inane chatter blog."

4) Fall Out Boy - "I'm going down town... blah, blah, blee, blee, blah, blah..."

3) Dane Cook - "Yeah, just hold on a minute.... Chief!"

2) Karate and Rap Music - Okay, okay... first of all that's two things and secondly, only I like them. But hell, this blog is written by a black man with a black belt, so sue me!

1) Yarn - Knitting vs. drugs. Sometimes it's hard to tell which addiction is more expensive. Then again, when was the last time a crack head knitted you a pair of warm woolly socks?

All Time Best List continued...

I thought I'd take a break from my discussion on self defense today to talk about my other favorite subject... the All Time Best List.

Today's selection was based on an article I read in Entertainment Weekly. The June 16, 2006 issue boasted that it would list the 25 "Most Controversial" movies of all time.

In my opinion, the list was a total letdown. You know what was number one on the list? Passion of the Christ...

...*snore*...

Being a product of the 80's generation raised with a mind full of pop culture references, and a movie buff, I guess that my definition of "controversial" differs from most others. You gotta remember, we saw things on live TV that blew our minds. Come on, people! I've seen former President Reagan get shot, I've seen the Space Shuttle blow up, hell, there were many mornings when I woke up and the first thing I saw was Tammy Faye Baker's face . Much like Tammy Faye, the torture shots in Passion is nothing more than creepy special effects makeup. You need to do more than that to shake me.

Just to rag on Entertainment Weekly some more, here's just a sample of the other movies they placed on the list:

• #3 Fahrenheit 9/11 - Or as I call it, The Exorcist for Bush voters...
• #12 The Deer Hunter - Couldn't get through it. I fell asleep during that long-ass wedding scene...
• #19 Basic Instict - Come on... really...?
• #22 Do the Right Thing - Oooohhh, a black man threw a garbage can through a window! Call the National Guard!
• #23 Kids - Finally, a truly controversial movie! But #23? That one should be in the single digits.
• #25 Aladdin - Yes, the Disney movie. Apparently an Arab-American focus group didn't like one (I repeat, "one") of the lyrics. Disney's response? They cut it from the release. Where the hell is the controversy?

So here's one movie that should be on the list:

ALL TIME BEST CONTROVERSIAL MOVIE

Battle Royale, directed by Kinji Fukasaku

Wanna hear about controversy? North American movie distributors were afraid to buy it, therefore it's very rare to find screening or a copy of the VHS/DVD in Canada or the US. If you want details of why, feel free to visit this link.

Made in Japan in 2000 and starring an all Asian cast, Battle Royal has a strong cult following all over the world. The movie as spawned sequels, adaptations in novels and mangas (comic books), video/board/card games, clothing merchandise, music CDs... I mean it's a phenomenon!

The story takes place in the near future (which would be now if the movie was made in 2000). Japan is falling apart economically. There is rampant un-employment and the country is vastly over-populated. The social fabric has fallen apart so much that the youth see no hope in their future. As a result, the schools are riot zones, and the teachers, rendered impotent by apathy and bureaucracy, are victims of violence perpetrated by their students. In short, the center is not holding.

We focus on the students from Shiroiwa Junior High School, Class 3-B.

The students have been selected to participate in a special field trip. During the bus ride, they are rendered unconscious by a special gas. Military type personnel take over the bus. The students wake up to find themselves kidnapped on a remote island. Each one wears a computerized collar around their necks.

Enter the murderous Teacher, played by "Beat" Takashi Kitano. The Teacher informs his former students that they have been selected to participate in the government sponsored "Battle Royale Survival Program". The program is the result of the BR Act, which was signed into law in response to the lawlessness among the countries youth. The rules are:

1. The collars are waterproof, shock proof, tamper proof and contain a small explosive. Anyone who tries to remove the collars will get their heads blown off.
2. The students are to participate in a 3 day survival game on the island. The island is divided into multiple danger zones, which change every hour. Any one caught in the danger zone at the wrong time will get their heads blown off.
3. Each student is given a backpack containing water, bread, a map, a compass, a flashlight and one random weapon. The weapons range from a fully automatic sub machine gun to a pot lid. No one knows what they are going to get. Anyone who tries to cheat or get off the island will get their heads blown off.
4. The object of the game is that the students have 3 days to kill each other. There can be only one survivor in Battle Royale. If there is more than one survivor at the end of the 3 days, they will all get their heads blown off.

So the crux of the tale is this... how do the stresses of such a survival program play out amongst typical junior high school students? What happens when the class nerd is finally armed and has full leave to confront his tormentors? What happens the the prettiest and most popular girl in school when she finally learns her peers were all jealous and secretly hated her all along? What happens the young, and so "in-love" couple when they realize that at some point one will be forced to kill the other? And by the way, who are those two new kids with all the scars? The one's who look like they've played this game before?

Battle Royale is the new millenniums answer to Lord of the Flies. The movie has resonance in these modern days of Columbine and 9/11 tragedies. The performances of the young cast is great, and the drama translates very well. The movie is unrated, but if you find a copy, I recommend that you exercise your parental discretion. The screen violence is not intended for young viewers.