NEW BLOG

Hey Folks,

I've been noticing lately that "True North: Strong and Free" has been... well... de-evolving. The original intention of the blog was to discuss martial arts and martial arts related topics. It's obvious that since I've moved to Canada, and thus away from Vaughn's Dojang, I've been shifting my interests elsewhere. Alas, no more!

I've started a new blog called "Trouble with Titles" which can be found at http://www.twit-akw.blogspot.com/. I will be hosting ongoing discussions about every thing not related to martial arts at that site. I will be maintaining a strict martial arts/fitness related discussion here at "True North". Please feel free to visit both, especially all you Facebook peeps.


Thanks for reading,

Cheers!

Ali

Ali-Come-Lately Part 2 - All Time Best List

As I mentioned in the previous post, I'm kind of a "Johnny-Come-Lately" when it comes to cool media. I remember back in the day, say around '94, '95 or so, a friend of mine once suggested that I check out this cool new rapper named "Biggie Smalls". The little exposure to Biggie I had at the time lead me to believe that he sucked at rapping and I would hate his "bling-bling-party-all-night" message. Cut to two years later, I'm hooked on the Ready to Die album, and starting to place the Notorious B.I.G. in the All Time Best rapper list.


So in an effort to take some personal inventory, I present the following top 5 list of media that have been recommended by friends, and a follow up explination of why I have/haven't checked it out yet.


1. Heroes, TV show.



I actually tried watching the first episode when this show came out, but for some reason I didn't get into it. Everyone I know swears I would love it. I have some reservations, but I've decided to ZipList the first season. Hopefully I'll get to it after I complete season 5 of Angel.



On a side note, I've been a long time fan of Hayden Panettiere, and I am pretty glad she's been getting some big time notice for her acting.
In my opinion she's never better than she was in the HBO film Normal. Here's hoping she does well and doesn't get too chewed up by Hollywood.


2. Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, movie.


Guy Ritchie's first film. My brother swears I'll love it.
Tried watching it last night, was bored out of my mind. I re-watched Deathproof instead.


3. Battlestar Galactica, TV show.


Jenni and Eric suggested I get into the new series. Given that they were the one who suggested Firefly, I'm going to give this one a healthy chance. Already ZipListed, buddy!


4. Transformers, movie.

I don't really care if I see this one or not because a) Michael Bay movies generally suck and depress the hell out of me; and b) can't get much better than the original Transformers: The Movie.

"You've got the Touch! You've got the POWWWERRRRR! Yeah!"


5. Neverwhere, novel
Again, Eric suggested that I read this one. Since he took my advice and read the Dark Tower series, I'm gonna take his advice and read this book. I must admit though, I am a bit worried 'cause last year Eric suggested that I read Chapter 1 of Gödel, Escher & Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid, by D. R. Hofstadter, and frankly I couldn't get past Chapter 1.



It was just too mind blowing for me. Eric is, well... I wouldn't call him a "genius" but he is smarter than the average bear (I'm sure Jenni will comment on that last remark...), and if this book is as complex as "GEB", well, let's just say I require way more passive reading entertainment.


Bonus Item. Doctor Who, TV show

Sarah is all about the new, revamped Dr. Who series. I frankly, could never get into Dr. Who. I will admit that Christopher Eccleston is pretty interesting as the 9th Doctor, and thus somewhat more watchable than the others.

I really liked him in that BBC/CBC joint production of Othello but, I just don't see myself screening any episodes anytime soon (unless Sarah decides to buy the DVD's and lend them to me... no bootlegs, please...).

By the way, I have the perfect name for Dr. Who fans. You know how Star Trek fans are called "Trekkies". Well, Dr. Who fans should be called "Re-TARDIS" y'know, like "retarded" but not really....

...whatever.

Buh-bye!

Ali-Come-Lately Part 1 - Review of Q. Tarantino's "Deathproof"

You ever have a friend say to you: "Hey, man! You should watch this movie/check out this TV show/listen to this CD/read this book, 'cause I know you'd like it!"

People say that to me all the time, and sometimes it just bugs me. I hate the fact that I'm so easily read by my friends. I also hate when somebody knows about some cool form of media before I do. It doesn't stop me from doing the same in reverse though: (By the way Grant, you should really rent Hot Fuzz, 'cause I know you'd like it).

Earlier this spring/summer, my brother-in-law suggested that we go see Grindhouse, that cool double feature of Robert Rodriguez's Planet Terror and Quentin Tarantino's Deathproof during opening weekend. Sounded like a cool idea, and it was sure to be fun because I'm a huge fan. But, I ultimately blew him off and decided not to go (I had to work a bunch of weekends this summer). So I missed out.

Strangely enough, against all critics and analyst's predictions, many other people blew off Grindhouse. It had a really poor showing at the box office, much to my surprise, 'cause it had some really great reviews and, what I consider, the best trailer of the year.



Cut to month's later, I finally rent Deathproof, and man I totally, friggin' suck for not paying to see it in the theatre!







I loved it. Deathproof is less a movie, more of a cinematic essay by Tarantino about a wide variety of topics, including but not limited to:

• exploitation films from the 70's and 80's;
• female characters in genre films

• the waning era of practical car stunts and the men and women who perform them;


• a primer on how to film an amazing car chase;
• a primer on how to write amazing dialogue;
• the wonderful world of music cues and sound editing;
• the crazy, lovable, totally crushable, Zoe Bell;


• the friggin' total awsomeness and cinema godness of Kurt Russell;


• the cinematic magnificance of a woman's butt; and
• Tarantino's long-suspected foot fetish.

The best things about this movie are the details. For example, the deliberately "bad" editing, distressted film stock and sound stutters that evoke that rich, exploitation film/grindhouse feeling, actress Tracy Thoms channeling Samuel L. Jackson right down to his crazy "pimp laugh" and the distinctive pronounciation of the word "motherfucker", and the rattles and squeaks eminating from Stuntman Mike's deathproof car. These details give the movie a larger depth, thus turning a simple slasher film into a work of art.


And as much as I want to big up the female stars of the movie, I'm going to take time in this blog to praise Kurt Russell. The dude rocks as Stuntman Mike! He easily pulls off the lazy charm and sadistic menace required for the role of a slasher movie killer, but when he totally loses it near the end, and goes all "Cowardly Lion", well friends, that just plain genius.

Since it's more fun watching Deathproof that writing about it, I'm gonna pop it into the DVD player and screen it again. It's good to be blogging again after such a long delay (work is a bitch, man, what can I say?). I'll see you guys again before long.


Cheers,


Ali

Fellow Traveler

I have a friend who gave a name to his smokes,
'cause when it comes to cigarettes this man don't joke.
He calls them "Fellow Travelers", and to me it's kinda funny
'cause he,
may or may not know that's what they used to call "commies".

But this man and the name, see, he really got me thinking,
the kinda deep thoughts I only get when drinking.
I had to take some time out to do the math,
and wonder: Who's my "Fellow Traveler" along life's path?

Now I'm a lucky man, I have family, friends and a wife,
who provide love and guidance as I make my way through life.
No disrespect to them, my "Fellow Traveler" is much more simple,
I'm not talking about people, I'm talking about a symbol.

My "Fellow Traveler" is sitting here beside my right hand.
It's a paperbook edition of Stephen King's The Stand.
I've had this copy ever since first year university,
and this old book has seen me through much adversity.

I've read it so many times that the cover's all torn,
the pages are all dog-eared and the spine is all worn.
I've tried to preserve in its semi-disintegrated state,
by covering the front and back pages with layers of Scotch tape.

Yeah, my book ain't mint, in fact it's quite a mess
But I find when life is hard, and things get kinda stressed,
I can pick up this old book and get lost between it's pages.
This book has helped me through some of life's tougher stages.

Its about the end of the world, and isn't that ironic,
that a book so scary can be a healing "soul tonic"?
Its about more than Armageddon, that's not what makes the story great,
Its all about men and women taking a Stand based on faith.

Call me a little crazy, but after I read a few chapters,
Whatever bothered me before, doesn't really matter.
I gain a sense of perspective (yes, I know that sounds like blather),
But I couldn't ask for more from my old "Fellow Traveler".

Harry Potter Blog - Chapter 33 to the End

"I open at the close."

SPOILERS TO FOLLOW















Well, that was a huge bruhaha! The Battle for Hogwarts, the showdown between Voldemort and Harry for the Elder Wand, and the resulting coda. Full of emotional upheval. The highlights:

- the return of Percy
- the rally of Dumbledore's Army, The Order, the Potterwatch cast and crew and the teachers and students of Hogwarts.
- the image of Professor McGonagall leading a batallion of animated school desks to battle
- Neville throwing plant pods into the fray
- the final charge of the centaurs
- the battle between Mrs. Weasely and Bellatrix
- Kreacher leading the revolt of the House Elves

There are some things that confused me though:

- How did the giant spiders enter the battle? At first I thought the Death Eaters brought them on, but there may be some implication that Hagrid is responsible ("Don't hurt them!"), which would be too idiotic an idea, even for Hagrid. I will choose to thing that the spiders came of their own volition, attracted to the noise of the battle, seeking to eat the freshly fallen.

- How did Neville get Gryffindor's sword? I thought Griphook the goblin absconded with it. Perhaps the sword is so linked to Hogwarts that no matter who is in physical possession of the sword, they will loose it once a Gryffindor requires it for battle. We know that Neville was close to the Sorting Hat at the time, and Harry was able to pull the sword from the hat from book 2. But the hat was engulfed in cursed flames and Neville, I believe was magically bound at the time. Yet he emerges un-burnt and un-bound to deliver the final blow to Nagini. Again, perhaps the Sorting Hat itself protected and freed Neville as well as provided him with the sword (the hat is hinted to have quite a lot of magical power). But none of this was made explicit. Not that I mind, 'cause I think my logic fits nicely.

- Just a comment, all the questions on the ownership of the Elder Wand, who won it from whom, was getting to the point of annoyance. I like the concept, I just didn't really think that in the final battle with Voldemort, that would be a topic of conversation for so long. Anyways how I think it goes is, Dumbledore won the EW from his battle with _____, Draco disarmed Dumbledore in the last book, thus winning the EW, although he apparently dropped it and it was returned to Dumbledore's grave. Voldemort raided the grave, but the EW still considered itself Draco's wand, becase Voldemort didn't battle anybody for it. Harry and Draco battled in Malfoy Manor, and Harry was able to take not only Draco's original wand, but all other wands in Draco's possession would now consider themselves Harry's. Thus Voldemort was essentially using Harry's own wand against Harry, which explains the weakness of his magic (and may explain why it was so easy to protect Neville from cursed burns and free him so quickly). Whew...

- Who's daughter was Teddy Lupin snogging at the end? The name Victoire leads me to believe it's Bill and Fleur's child.

- Is it me or is the new James Potter a bit of an ass? A bit more malicious than say Fred or George was to Ron.

- What is the signifigance of the watch Harry wears in the coda? Does that mark him as a Ministry official, possible head Auror. I would think that Ron, Harry, Hermione and Ginny all work for the Ministry as Auror's. I also choose to think that Kingsley Shacklebolt is still Minister of Magic.

Anyways, let's look at the predictions I made in the first blog to see how if they came true:

1) Harry's gonna croak.

This one can go either way. I choose to think that Harry did indeed die, but earned the ability to return to life that one time. Purists may not buy this theory... feel free to post your arguments otherwise in the comments.

2) Voldemort's gonna croak too.

And he did.

3) Snape is not really on Voldemort's side, and will in some part assist in the Dark Lord's downfall, but in the eyes of the wizarding world, he will be forever considered a traitor.

I was right for most of this. The coda doesn't really make it clear if Snape is forever consisdered a traitor. Harry, in naming his son Albus Severus, certainly accepts Snape as a tragic hero, but a hero nonetheless.

4)Ginny's gonna get kidnapped.

Way off on that one.

5) Ron and Hermione will live and marry, and raise a bunch of kids (not so much a prediction as a feverant hope).

And they do.

6) The last chapter will be titled "The Boy Who Died" or something of that nature.

Way off on that one.

7) Neville still has a major part to play in the tale, and will die in an attempt to destroy Voldemort.

Neville did have a major part as the destroyer of the last horcrux, but he's alive and well, teaching herbology at Hogwarts. I get half points for that prediction


8) Harry's scar is a horcrux.

I get full points for that one, but almost every fan thought the same.

9) Ron will punch Malfoy in the face! (again, a feverant hope)

I can't tell you how happy I was when that happened! Ron is the friggin' man!

10) Remus Lupin is gonna die too.

Ever since the character Lupin was introduced, my gut feeling told me he was a marked man. I knew he was gonna die, it was just a matter of time. Still it was a crushing blow, and for Tonks and Fred to go too, that was too much. The price for defending Hogwarts and freeing the wizarding world from Voldemort was very dear, indeed.

The following is a first draft attempt to list the fallen heros throughout the series. Feel free to add names I might have missed.

R.I.P.
James Potter
Lily Potter
Cederic Diggory
Sirius Black
Albus Dumbledore
Charity Burbage
Hedwig the Snowy Owl
Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody
Bathilda Bagshot
Dobby the Free House Elf
Fred Weasly
Remus Lupin
Nymphadora Tonks
Colin Creevey
Severus Snape

Harry Potter Blog - Chapter 32

1:55 AM
Page 518 and my prediction #9 came true! He Hee!

Harry Pottter Blog - Chapters 16 to 31

WARNING, SPOILERS MAY FOLLOW




















The endgame is afoot, and the Battle for Hogwarts is underway. The last fifteen chapters are pretty harrowing, and our gang takes some major casualties. At the same time the deus ex machina clanks along at key moments to save our heros.

I wonder who made the doe Patronus? The romantic in me would guess Ginny, but that does not jive with the facts.

More and more you hear about Snape, the more you wonder his motives. I'm sure that Rowling has some kind of twist planned for the character, but I'm thinking he's pretty much a total ass.

I'm pretty pleased that Nevill turned so bad-ass! I haven't seen a transformation like that since... oh, say Westley-Wydham Price in Angel. And man, I do love a good rally scene before a major battle. Some long lost friends show up to support Harry as he tries to complete his last desperate task.

If I had to critique, I'd say that the action scenes are starting to get confusing. It's hard to tell who's doing what to who. And I sure the hell am tired of Crabbe and Goyle. Never liked them, and never considered them a threat.

It's 9:34 PM and I've been reading since oh, about 1:30. That means I've been reading twelve out of the last 20 hours. Teresa has custody of the book right now, but she'll be going to bed soon. I reckon I can actually finish withing 24 hrs after all.

Harry Potter Blog - Chapters 9 to 15

WARNING SPOILERS TO FOLLOW!!!
















In the Dark Tower Series Stephen King calls it "ka-shume" the feeling of dread that comes when a ka-tet, or group of hero's linked by destiny, begins to break. After sharing many harrowing adventures, after finding a horcrux and liberating a few Muggle-borns, Harry Potter's little ka-tet has reached the breaking point. Things are going from bad to worse.

The thing is Voldemort is not the sole reason things are going so badly in the wizarding world. He's just taking advantage of the general fear and mistrust between wizards and muggles. And who's to blame really? Since The Goblet of Fire Rowling has been steadily highlighting the darkness that pervades the wizarding world. The Harry Potter books started off as a nice escape from our more mundane world, to a place of magic. Since book four, the Harry Potter books have come to reflect our own world more and more. The complexity, the shades of gray, the conflicted morality... I'm just really glad that that these issues are being explored in a supposed "kid's" book.

Harry Potter Blog - Chapter "Freh?"

My non-stop reading marathon turned out to have major stops after all. I was betrayed by two things:



1) My body: I gamely tried to continue reading through chapter 9, despite what I wrote in my last blog, but I fell asleep mid-chapter. I was so tired I hardly understood what I was reading anyway.



2) My wife: While I was sleeping, Teresa absconded with the book. She's currently finished chapter 4, and for any HP fan, it would be nigh impossible to not continue on to find out the outcome of the books first, and quite amazing, action sequence. I shall have to wait for her to stop reading, or resort to dastardly measures to gain access to the book. I plan to make a huge mess in one part of the house, bring her attention to the problem, and given her meticulous nature she will be complelled to attend to the mess and drop the book. If that doesn't work, I will have to spike her drink with knock-out drops. Either way, the book will be mine... oh, yes...



It will be mine...

Harry Potter - Chapter 8

It's 5:00 AM and I'm done in. Harry and his peeps are safe for now but only in the loosest sense of the word. They are on the run, confused, disheartened and their worse fears are happening. All that means the book is fantastic and very hard to put down. But put it down I must. For now anyway...

Harry Potter Blog - Chapters 7 & 8

Man, already a major battle, major casualties, two Patronuses, much heartbreak and denied love and I'm only on page 133 (of 607). Chapter 7 helps renew your contempt for Rufus Scrimgeour. Chapter 8 starts off so funny, so nice and heartwarmingly good, featuring a surprising return of beloved secondary characters that I began to suspect that things were going to end badly. And sure enough, the crap really hits the fan. Cliffhanger ending too!

It's 4:32 in the morning and I'm beginning to fade. The Ginny/Harry thing is doing me in. And Mrs. Weasly really has to cut out the over-mothering. Voldemort has made such headway into terrorizing the wizarding world that over-mothering is just gonna get more people killed!

The ghost of Dumbledore (figuratively speaking, not like Nearly-Headless Nick) is featuring big time. The guy is proving to be just as big as a mystery as Voldemort. It's amazing how little we know about his past...

Harry Potter Blog - Chapters 5 & 6

Mmmmm.... it's 3:31 AM and I am happily munching on cheese and crackers and reading one of the most engaging books in my library. Chapters 5 & 6 offered some respite after the crazy shenanigans of chapter 4, but wow, the characters are paying a heavy cost to save the wizarding world. Again I am struck by the allegory to post-War on Terror culture; the wizard folks who bury thier heads in the sand rather to stand for a cause, and the breeding of mistrust within a the Order. Anyway's Harry's people are hurting, but doing the best they can, and Hermione and Ron are proving once again to be the best friends ever.

I'm going to take a pee break before starting chapter 7, which looks pretty heavy...

Harry Potter Blog - Chapter 3

Whew, Chapter 4 is a doozy! Things are getting very dark for the Order.

Reading the first few chapters has made me wonder about the implicit analogy to living in the post 9-11 era. Here in Canada, the War on Terror is really does not have the same impact that it does in either the US, UK or Middle East. There has been no attacks on Canadian soil, so there's not the same level of pervasive fear. Maybe the darkness of the last few books, and the mood of the last few chapters J.K. Rowling is making some comment on the culture of fear that has developed since the attacks and the resulting war. Certainly the actions of the Ministry of Magic share a lot of the "head-up-the-ass" actions of the US (and perhaps UK) government.

The book is great so far. Rowling is calling back some of the more memorable images from the past books, like the return of the flying motorcar. Generally in the other books, you don't hear much from the Dursleys after the third or fourth chapter, and they seem to bow out of the story as I expected (although there is one minor and rather nice surprise).

By the way the casualty count is beginning to rise...

Harry Potter Blog - Chapter 2

Oh Dumbledore, we hardly knew ye!

We learn a little bit more about the Headmaster's background, and it's a doozy. And guess who's back? Rita Skeeter.

It's 1:52 and I only finished chapter 2.

Harry Potter Blog - Chapter 1

A quick scan of the end of the book shows that my predition #6 is wrong. The last chapter is not "The Boy Who Died". I won't tell you what it is, but it is marginally more hopefull.

The first chapter starts with a scene with Voldemort and the Death Eaters, in keeping with the pattern of the last three books. Voldemort declares his goal and it doesn't look good for either the Muggles or those that love them.

Voldemort's last words in the chapter: "Dinner, Nagini," is very creepifying. As bad guys go, he's as scary as Anakin Skywalker wasn't in Episodes I to III.

Who is more scary?

Harry Potter Blog - Waiting for Midnight

I haven't really done much since the last post. I made some supper, folded some laundry and generally hung out with my doggie. Teresa and I started watching The Da Vinci Code movie, which was not really that good. Given the quality of the source matter, I didn't expect much from the movie anyway. Dan Brown's book may be popular, but it really isn't that great of a book. It struck me as a book not so much written, as "plotted", and it's popularity has more to do with the premise than the story itself. A couple of things save the movie from being an outright disaster though:

One, Tom Hanks is a really good actor. A lot of his appeal stems from him being so likable. He's been describes as a modern day Jimmy Stewart, who had that same "everyman" quality, and you just can't help but root for him, even in crappy movies like You've Got Mail or Joe vs. the Volcano.

Two, Sir Ian McKellan's performance gives the film a much needed breath of fresh air. I really like his acting, he always seems to be enjoying it so much. Even in an exposition-heavy movie like this one, he hams it up enough to make his scenes fun.

Anyway, I paused the movie in mid-scene and left for the bookstore at about 10:40. As expected there was a major line up. Some people dressed up. There were many wizards, a "Hagrid" or two, and one creative guy dressed up as the car that Ron and Harry crashed up at the beginning of The Chamber of Secrets. I'll give points to the first person who can tell me the make and model of that car. Respond in the comments.

Anyways, I got the book, I've made some tea. It is now 1:00 AM and I shall start reading... now!

Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Blog Part 1. - Stealing a Ideas from the A.V. Club

I love The Onion A.V. Club (link here)! It's the best place to go to steal ideas for your personal 'blog.

I too will present a live, chapter-by-chapter progress report as I attempt to read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, non-stop, starting as soon as I pick up my pre-ordered copy from Chapters.

I will try not to spoil any major revelations, and chances are that my posts will be fraught with spelling mistakes, especially the 3:00 AM blog.

Here are my predictions (based on no prior knowledge or leaked info) for the final installment of the Harry Potter series:

1) Harry's gonna croak. It will be heroic, but he'll be dead just the same.

2) Voldemort's gonna croak too.

3) Snape is not really on Voldemort's side, and will in some part assist in the Dark Lord's downfall, but in the eyes of the wizarding world, he will be forever considered a traitor.

4) Ginny's gonna get kidnapped.

5) Ron and Hermione will live and marry, and raise a bunch of kids (not so much a prediction as a feverant hope).

6) The last chapter will be titled "The Boy Who Died" or something of that nature.

7) Neville still has a major part to play in the tale, and will die in an attempt to destroy Voldemort.

8) Harry's scar is a horcrux.

9) Ron will punch Malfoy in the face! (again, a feverant hope)

10) Remus Lupin is gonna die too.

See you again after midnight.

All Time Best: Movies That Helped Me Through Puberty

The Parent Trap, 1961



Ah, Hayley Mills... my first cinematic crush...
I remember when I first watched that movie, I thought two things: 1) I was convinced I was going to marry Hayley Mills; and 2) rich white people sure do have weird problems. Only white people would split up their twins as part of a divorce settlement. The Parent Trap is one of those movies that will never be remade with a black cast. Is that a sterotype? Maybe, imagine remaking Boyz In The Hood with white people. Just doesn't work.

Summer Lovers, 1982


The perfect "Skinemax" movie. To this day, I couldn't tell you what this movie is about. But this was my first exposure to a young Daryl Hannah, whom it seemed was determined to film every scene covered in a layer of cooking oil. (Ugh, my dog just farted as I was reminiscing about that movie. I guess I should move on...)


Return of the Jedi, 1983


Man, Jabba the Hutt was a pimp! He was like Tatooine's version of Snoop Dogg. Who else could get a intergalactic ambassador to dress in a silk and gold bikini?




Did he have to threaten to bitch slap her with his tail? Say what you will about Jabba, his pimp-hand was strong!



Risky Business, 1983



Between the train scene, and the famous "Old Time Rock and Roll" scene, I was at odds to figure out who was prettier: Rebecca De Mornay...

or Tom Cruise...



As a result, a young me was introduced to the concept of "sexual confusion"...

Fast Times at Ridgemont High, 1982


...which was promptly straightened out by this movie. The Phoebe Cates "pool scene" was a true highlight, but I also developed a long-term, annoyingly un-requited crush on Jennifer Jason Leigh.



Career Opportunities, 1991

Not one of John Hughes's best movies, but earns a special place on this list for one scene, and one scene alone: Jennifer Connelly on a coin-operated rocking horse!

A very powerful image, indeed. The day after I watched that movie, I noticed hairs in places that I never had hairs growing before....



Ha, ha... I know... gross...



Dirty Dancing, 1987


Patrick Swayze vs. Jennifer Grey? Again with the sexual confusion!


After watching this movie fans asked: Could the "Sawyze-dawg" get any hotter? Road House proved that answer was a resounding: "Yes!".


Bull Durham, 1988

Susan Sarandon should be declared a national treasure.

The Opening Title Sequence to Do the Right Thing, 1989

Rosie... my sweet Rosie Perez... The physical embodiment of global warming, Rosie was singularly responsible for raising the heat level in a movie about the hottest day in the summer. Made me want to move to Bed-Stuy, Do or Die!

Frankie and Johnny, 1991

If all the previous movies on the list represent cinematic crushes, Frankie and Johnny represents true love, in all its lovely, horrible, painful, redemptive glory. My favorite scene, is the one in the flower market, an unexpected garden of Eden in the midst of urban New York, where Al Pachino as Johnny is trying to convince Michelle Phiffer's Frankie to spend the night with him. The sound goes down and the music overtakes the dialogue, and I just was dying to know what he said to convince her. In my young mind, I always thought if I could figure out what Johnny said to Frankie that night, I could melt the heart of any girl in the world. One of the best movies ever!

Sia

The clearest memory I have of my sister, Sia, is that time when she dumped a plate of food on my head for no reason.

I remember I must have been about eleven, which would make her 13 at the time. I remember the meal. It was ackee and saltfish and rice. When my mom makes ackee and saltfish, she sautee's it with bits of tomato, onion and pepper, and I clearly remember each one of these bits dripping off my ears onto my shoulders while my sister smiled. I clearly remember that smile too. It wasn't as much evil, as it was... interested, curious and maybe a touch satisfied. It's the same look I imagine a first time bungee-jumper has after his or her first leap from the precipice.

If you can infer a line of thinking from a smile, it seems to me the first-time bungee jumper is thinking: Wow! I've crossed a major boundary. And you know what? That wasn't so bad. If possible I could do that again, and again.... and again...

I remember the feeling I had at the time too, which is a perfect summary of what it's like to live with my sister. I was embarrassed but I was also angry, not so much because of what Sia did, but because from that moment on I knew that with my sister, anything was possible. There were no more limits, no zone of safety where you could say to yourself: "If I act in this manner, its pretty much guaranteed that I won't get a plate of foot tossed onto my head." Thus I was rendered helpless because I could not retaliate, for fear of even more strange, painful and unguessable consequences.

For me and my younger brother, living with Sia was living with Mary Poppins crossed with a pit bull. As the oldest sibling, she was loving, protective and stern which was alright, but you never ever knew when she was going to turn around and bite you on your ass.

* * *

I get the impression that Sia might often have been dissapointed with being saddled with two brother's like myself and N'gai. For the most part we were totally unremarkable. Our only interests were food, comic books, and spending vast amounts of time away from our sister. Sia always was trying to make us more interesting that we really were, just so she could brag about it to her friends. Invariably, it backfired.

I remember once, around the same time Thriller came out, so I might have been 8 or 9, Sia bragged to all her friends that N'gai and I could do the moonwalk. Since the Thriller album was not released in comic book format, we really didn't know what a moonwalk was. But since Sia had such apparent faith in us, especially in front of an audience of all her friends, we decided to give it a game try. N'gai and I ended up performing what I thought was a fairly faithful adaption of a moon walk, a la Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin's low-gravity, un-rhythmic duck-walk across the surface of earth's natural satellite. Neither Sia or her friends were impressed. Sia, N'gai and I were embarrassed, but only Sia was aware of it at the time, because we were still engrossed with jumping around like ant-bitten asses. I'm sure that was the first of many incidents leading to the "dumping-food-on-my-head" incident...

* * *

When Sia's first child was born (let's call him "Jay"), he was really... really... pre-mature. He was very small (I could have cradled him in one palm), and very, very red. It was a painful and difficult birth, and when I visited Sia, she looked very tired, but she was happy to see me. By this time, I could sense that she was tired of awkward, stilting conversations with people trying to either prepare her for, or keep her away from bad news. So we talked very plainly, she and I, and we laughed a lot. My siblings and I share a very dark sense of humor, and tend to prefer laughing, rather than crying in the face of tough life situations. She cracked me up with the story of how Jay would often get so pissed off at the constant ministrations of the nurses that he would often pull out his own oxygen tube, as if to say: "For god's sake, ladies! Leave me the hell alone for five minutes!" It was then I knew that Jay was going to be more or less okay. He was a survivor. Not only did he have the intestinal fortitude and physical strength to pull out his own oxygen tube, he had Sia's sense of spite, and with that, how could you not be a survivor?

* * *

Sia has two kids now. Jay is about six years old, and a girl whom we shall call "Kay" is three. Kay looks a lot like Sia, right down to the "don't-mess-with-me" glint in her eyes. I enjoy calling their house phone, because with two energetic kids, Sia doesn't greet you with a mere "hello" like normal people. Often she'll pick up the phone in mid-rant, so before she even speaks into the receiver you'll hear her yelling at the top of her lungs something like:

"I told you to stop jumping off the television set! Aaaarghhh, you kids are going to drive me crazy!"

Then she'll speak into the phone with an "Hello? Who's this?", and the tone of her voice is so tired, angry, exasperated and pleading for respite that I begin to smile a very evil smile. You see, the very night she dumped that plate of food on my head, I prayed to God and asked him to give her children exactly like herself.

And you see folks: prayer works!

All Time Best Voices of Hip Hip

It takes more than just lyrics and bling to be a good Hip Hop artist. The best Hip Hop artists, the ones born to bless a mic have a...voice. It's not just about what they say, but something about how they say it freezes you in your tracks and forces you to listen. Here's my list of the ten best voices of Hip Hop.

10. Freaky Tah
Tah was a member of the group Lost Boyz, along with Mr. Cheeks, Pretty Lou and DJ Spigg Nice, and was more of a hype man than an MC (although he did rhyme on some of the LB's tracks). A hype man generally adds back up vocals to the main rhyme and Tah's characteristic high-pitched screech kept him from being lost in the background. On March 28, 1999, Freaky Tah was shot to death while exiting the Sheraton Hotel in Queens, NY. His death still resonates to this day, and he is mourned often times in the same breath with Biggie Smalls and Tupac.



9. Q-Tip
As a member of A Tribe Called Quest, Tip once considered one of Hip Hop’s hippies, along with De La Soul, Jungle Brother’s, Black Sheep and Leaders of the New School. But this brother should not be dismissed so easily. His lyrics are often very complex, leaden with poetic symbolism and deal with a range of social issues such as the exploitation of Hip Hop artists, date rape and violence in the Hip Hop culture. Given, Q-Tip’s high-pitch, fuzzy flow, and off-beat rhyme scheme it’s often hard to decipher what he’s saying upon first listen. But his somnambulistic style is irresistible and compelling, and the brother is so damn deep, his rhymes never get old. There’s always something new to discover in a Q-Tip lyric.



8. Busta Rhymes
Busta is a contemporary of Q-Tip from his Leaders of the New School days, but he is almost completely opposite in every way. Tip’s mellow flow invites you to listen. Busta’s bombastic voice and outlandish presentation grabs you forcefully by the shoulders and forces you to listen. This brother ain’t about subtlety.



Busta is all about making as big a noise as you can in as short of time as you can for maximum explosive yield. He’s a megaton bomb, but don’t sleep, baby. I’ve seen this brother do a smooth, fly-ass, pimp-lover freestyle in an uncharacteristic low-key mode that may have been even more arresting than his usual presentation.

7. Redman and Method Man
Red (aka: Reggie Noble, The Funk Dr. Spock) and Meth (aka: Johnny Blaze, The Heatseeking Missile) are each accomplished rhymers and individually, they have pushed the art of Hip Hop to a new levels. But when these brothers join forces, like on tracks “How High” and “Da Rockwilder”… ooohhh, shit! Hip Hop culture collectively evolves and reaches unprecedented heights. Redman’s straight ghetto, wild out, higher pitch shout and Method Man, deep, gravelly, rumble complement each other extremely well .



Hollywood tried to tap the creative Red and Meth vein, with TV sitcom and movie deals, but these brothers continue to make their true impact felt on wax.

6. Rah Diggah
The former First Lady of Busta Rhyme’s Flipmode Squad, Rah Digga earned that title by putting in some work with the Fugees and Lyricist Lounge. As a result, the lady has some of the tightest flows imaginable. But the voice, like Busta’s and Redman’s demands your attention. This lady is no content sitting on the sidelines. This lady demands center stage, and fools better watch out!

5. Eminem
I have a hard time with Eminem. He was taken off this list and put back on many times. Right now, Em seems like a parody of himself. But I can’t deny his skills. There are few better than Eminem on a freestyle, and a careful listen to his albums show that he not only pushes the limits of lyrical content, but he also is pushing ways to deliver a rhyme. He’ll rap on an off-beat, on a country music 3-beat, and he’ll rap in between beats and still deliver compelling shit. Also his high-pitch style (reminiscent of the Beastie Boyz and Zach De La Rocha) is impossible to ignore.



It’s hard to give him credit, especially when he keeps marrying and divorcing Kim, but Eminem has well earned his place on any of Hip Hop’s Top Ten List.

4. Lauren Hill
In Hip Hop’s male dominated world, it’s very hard for females to command a spot in the ranks. That’s why the best female Hip Hop artists, like Lauren Hill, tend to be insanely talented. Name me another artist who can sing to you of devastating heartbreak via “Killing Me Softly”, and yet deliver a devastating, blistering dis rap like “Lost Ones”. Her voice, throaty, deep, mature and mad-sexy is unique and undeniable.



3. Notorious B.I.G.
Funny enough, when I first heard of Biggie Smalls, I never really liked him. I just wasn’t into the "Crystal and blig" thing. But there is no denying Biggie’s impact, both positive and negative, on Hip Hop. Biggie’s mic skills are damn near supernatural!

I said it!

I mean this brother was shaming street cats at the age of 17.



To quote comedian D.C. Curry, Biggie was “profane and profound”. His voice was a super deep rumble, a King lion’s roar, and his Jamaican patios inflected speech spoke to me very deeply. Biggie could lace together powerful, complex metaphors faster than anyone, and you could mine his lyrics for years and find new meanings and interpretations.



He was God’s given voice to street hustlers, pimps, drug-dealers and ghetto outcasts. He had a solemn and profound duty to tell their stories, which he did in miraculous tracks like “Suicidal Thoughts” and “10 Crack Commandments”. It’s tragic how his death denied these people a voice, and thus a shot at legitimacy, understanding and compassion from the rest of us. I so sincerely miss this brother.

2. Chuck D
If the Apocalypse needs a play-by-play announcer, Chuck D is the man. He has a prophet’s voice, like Isaiah… like Brother Malcolm’s. In his youth, Chuck’s voice was hard and undeniable, like a car meeting a brick wall.



As he ages, Chuck’s voice has lost some of the edge and sense of urgency it had back in “It Takes a Nation of Millions…” and “Fear of a Black Planet”. He now has the ultimate “Father” voice. Stern, guiding, warning, not so much with the yelling, but still irresistible. It’s the voice that founded Hip Hop culture; that gave Busta Rhymes his name. It’s the voice of hard-earned experience, and is uncompromising as ever.

1. KRS-One
Speaking of prophets... let me tell you of KRS-One. The self-styled “edutainer”, the boon of Hip Hop culture, and the bane to all who can live up to the precedents set by this man. Kris sets a standard so high that mere mortals have no hope of ever meeting it. (Doesn't mean they shouldn't keep trying...)

Now, the problem with most rhymers is that they have to trade of lyrical complexity versus the ability to be understood. Some artists, like Q-Tip, are so charming that they can get away with serving up some deep rhymes while not being all that clear. But every once in a while, God will bless some with phrasing so clear, so precise that it is practically impossible to deny what is being said. Sinatra was such a man and Sarah Vaughn was equally blessed. KRS-One is Hip Hop’s Sinatra (equal in diction as well as ego). I will speak of him as such ‘til my dying day.




Other artists that deserve to make the list (but didn’t because of room):
Run-DMC

(One of Hip Hop’s Founding Fathers. I fully acknowledge my crime for not including them on the list.)

Ludacris

(He and Eminem fought for that number five spot, and as I’m writing this, I regret that he didn’t get a more significant mention.)


Mos Def

(In the Q-Tip vein, but his style, world-view and sense of humor makes him unique.)\



Jill Scott

(More a singer, but if anybody represents the soul of Hip Hop, it’s her.)


Professor X from X-Clan

(“Pink caddy driving, black boot stomping…”)


Humpty Hump

(If Humpty really existed, I would have put him on the list just for the fun factor. But "Humpty Hump" is really Digital Underground's Shock G in a Groucho Marx mask.)



Tupac

(Personally the guy’s voice never really moved me, but he deserves mention because he moves so many other people.)

Artist that some people think should be on the list, but really don’t deserve to be:
Jay-Z

(Can’t deny his lyrical talent, but his voice, though distinctive, doesn’t really move me.)


Nas

(ditto)


Fresh Prince

(Great brother, and notable artist. Love his albums. Did more to mainstream Hip Hop and give it a recognizable face than anybody. Also gets points for not shaming himself and Black people in general like MC Hammer did. But he just doesn’t have that “chills-up-the-spine, give-me-goose bumps” delivery that the others have.)


50 Cent

(Fuck 50 Cent! I hate this guy! Every time I hear him on the radio I wonder: Who gave Mushmouth from “Fat Albert” a mic?)

As of weekend, Teresa and I will have been married for seven years. We met at university, and that was a blessing, but the one disadvantage (or advantage, depending on your point of view) of having met so late in life is that by then we were too old to write each other the kind of bad love poems that only high school sweet hearts could invent. Well, to celebrate the cusp of our anniversary I have decided to write a poem for my wife in the spirit of all bad high school love poetry.

For Teresa,
A Really Bad Love Poem
By Ali Williams


If ever I was a glowing sun
you would be my earth.
If your beauty was a can of Coke
you sure would quench my thirst.
If I couldn't win you for second prize
I'd definitely come in first.
If your love was the cause of heart attacks,
Oh, mine would surely burst.


If our marriage was a hip hop song
just call me "Biggie Smalls",
'cause when it came to freestyle battles
for you I'd win them all.
I'd rock my "ice" and my Bentley,
I'd be feeling ten feet tall!
And if some player tried to hate on me,
I'd tell him "Lick my ballz"!


If your absence was a malady,
I would live my life in pain,
'cause every moment away from you
just drives a man insane!
To give perspective of my love
so you understand what I'm saying,
I love you just about as much
as young "Dubya" loved cocaine.

Baby you are my shining star
I humbly bask in your glow.
In this our seventh year of marriage
our love is sure to grow.
We faced some tests in the past,
and I'm sure we'll face some mo'.
Yet succeed we shall, both you and I,
at least that much I know.

For Phil and Rob, R.I.P May 6, 2005

The man said to himself
as he went out the door,
"I'm going where you demons,
can't follow me no more!"

The runner took that step
in the very last mile,
The sun went blazing hot,
and his heart ran wild.

Langston Hughes once called Death:
"The Consorting Whore".
She dallied with the runner,
and the man at the door.

Truth

The other day I was driving around listening to CBC radio wishing that I could live in a world where politicians always told the truth, when I decided to use my (admittedly: frazzled, overwrought) mind to conceptualize a world where for one day everybody had to tell the truth. I quickly realized that such a world would be less like a Jim Carrey-esque farce and more like a chaotic, ravaged, anarchy like London in 28 Days Later. If we all were forced to tell the truth for one day, the economy would fall, international commerce would grind to a halt and family members would murder each other in the street.

Why?

Because the truth is simply too powerful for us to handle.

Very few people can handle hearing the truth, much less telling the truth. The only people I know who can make a living off of telling the truth are stand-up comedians, and they generally lead miserable, self-destructive lives:

Richard Pryor, 1940-2005
(Once lit himself on fire.)

Sam Kinison, 1953-1992
(Snorted a hell-of-a-lot of cocaine.)

Bill Hicks, 1961-1994
(Smoked and drank all his life. Died of pancreatic cancer.)

That’s the reason so few comedies ever with the Academy Award for best picture. To the best of my knowledge, Annie Hall was the only comedy ever to win best picture.

I tried watching Annie Hall this past summer and I couldn’t get through it. It was so chock full of truth it made my skin crawl!

People always say they want the truth, but we don’t really mean it. The moment somebody starts saying something real, we start laughing, or we try to discredit them by saying that they are either vulgar or crazy. I’m going to prove it too, at great risk to my (ha, ha) reputation.

The following text will contain the top ten unadulterated, undiluted, unedited truths and I see it, and I’m betting something this post going to offend somebody.

Warning! Discretion Advised!

Both the subject matter and the language used to present the subject manner are not censored by the writer. If you are easily offended, your time would be better spent visiting this link:

Top 10 All Time Best Truths as perceived by me.

10) 99% of white people I know love the taste of chicken and watermelon.

99% of the black people I know also love the taste of chicken and watermelon.I cannot understand how such a simple fact of life can be readily accepted for one group of people, but form the basis of ridicule and scorn for another group of people. It’s yet another indication that the human race is still has a long way to go on the evolutionary scale.

9) Every black man in North America went to work this morning wondering if this was the day he was going to get fired. He will wonder the same thing tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that. And the day after…

8) It is actually possible to live a fulfilling and rewarding life without… cable television.

7) Kicking a woman out of your organization for wearing a head scarf is just as insidious as forcing a woman to wear a full body veil. A woman should be free to wear what ever she wants and the rest of us should just butt the fuck out!
6) The term “marriage” should be used when two people make a life long love bond to each other, regardless whether the couples are heterosexual or homosexual. Heterosexuals do not hold the moral imperative over the word “marriage”. The one gay couple I know have done more honor and justice to the word “marriage” than… let’s say… Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson.”

Then...

...and Now.

5) The War on Terrorism is not really about liberation. It's about oil companies justifying charging us over $4 per gallon for gas. When you look at it from that point of view, George W. Bush is the most successful president in American history.



4) It doesn’t matter if they are big or small… I just plain love boobs.

3) I’ve never felt comfortable in a church. At best I found the typical church service to be boring and at worst, oppressive and creepifying. I never even got married in a church because the only church I could conceive of attending in comfort is that one in the “Blues Brothers”, y’know with James Brown as the pastor and where Jake learns that he’s on a “mission from God”...?

But the truth is… that church never, ever really existed.

2) I do believe in God. I really do think God looks like Samuel L. Jackson. More specifically, he looks like Sam Jackson as “Jules Winnfield” in Pulp Fiction, y’know with the Jheri curl, and the gun, and the wallet that says “Bad Mutherfucker” on it. It may seem blasphemous or psychotic to you, but that image of God gives me absolute peace of mind.

1) The only time I truly feel connected to the universe is when I’m standing smack dab in the middle of a Tang Soo Do class.

There. I’m done telling the truth.